Back to Ed and Carol. Ed insists that Carol's idea of leaving Stuckeyville is "crazy talk." Carol swears it's not. Carol has always wanted to be a writer but has always lived in Nick's shadow since he is such a well-respected author/high-school teacher. As Carol puts it, "It's like being Shakespeare's girlfriend." As I put it, "It's like being Trapper John M.D.'s assistant's girlfriend, girlfriend. Get over it." Carol's defense is that Stuckeyville is all she knows -- how can she be a writer if this is all she knows? Gee Carol, ask your ex-boyfriend Nick. He seems to have carved out quite a niche for himself in the literary world, all from the geographical hub of eccentricity, Stuckeyville. Sounds like a lame excuse to me, but I'm not Ed, I'm Brad F'n Pitt, the world's sexiest stud muffin.
The next morning, Shazam Jacobson shows up at the bowling alley at 5 AM for his training with Phil. Once inside, Phil asks him what is the most important part of the body in bowling. Shazam answers, "The brain." This unnerves Phil, who says, "You were supposed to say 'The arm' and then I would correct you by saying 'No...the brain' and then you would go 'Ohhhh.' Let's try it again. What's the most important part of the body in bowling?" Shazam answers, "The arm?" Phil says "No...the brain." Shazam feigns amusement and says, "Ohhhh." Phil says, "You have wisdom, child." Shazam says, "Quit calling me 'child.'"
Later in the day, Mike, Nancy, and Ed show up at the mayoral debate. Mike is hung up on this whole "handsome" kick, asking Nancy whom she finds more handsome -- he or Ed? Nancy answers "Ed." Before Mike can start a public beat-down on Nancy in the town square, Ed offers up the weekly $10 bet. Ed bets Mike that he won't walk over to a man and call him "mommy." Mike takes him up on the bet and walks over to the man. The man happens to be a good friend of Mike's parents and talks Mike's ear off for a minute or so. Mike is visibly uncomfortable having to do it, but it's a $10 bet, and nobody turns down a $10 bet in Stuckeyville. Mike says, "It's been nice talking to you...mommy." The man says, "You just called me 'mommy.'" A humiliated Mike walks away. Ed and Nancy share a good laugh, and it's obvious Nancy wants a piece of Ed in a big way.
The debate begins. The mayor's opponent is Jim Ludwig, owner of Waterbed World. Mike admits to losing his virginity in Waterbed World since the back door was "always open."
I will repeat...Mike lost his virginity because the back door was "always open." Maybe I'm the perv here, but visions of Mike getting cornholed by an ex-con on a waterbed saturated my brain for several minutes after that comment.