Ed
Ed

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Uncle Bob: C | 295 USERS: C+
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Something Smells Fishy, and It Ain't Molly's Breath

Meanwhile, Kenny has joined Hop Sing at the microphone to croon a duet to Smokey Robinson's "Cruisin'" in what has to be the world's worst recorded duet in the history of mankind.

More commercials. Those talking M&Ms are back. Did you know that the yellow M&M is voiced by J.K. Simmons, the actor who plays white supremacist Vern Schillinger on Oz? It's true, it's true.

In the bowling alley, Phil is talking on the phone and he's pissed because Anson Williams's manager wants $1,500 for him to come to Stuckey Bowl as Potsie. He then starts repeating, "It's Potsie, it's Potsie" until the word "Potsie" starts to sound weird. He then can't stop repeating the word "Potsie." Kenny admits that one time he kept saying the word "lemon" until it no longer sounded like a word. So Kenny starts walking around repeating "lemon." Ed and Mike walk in. Ed's complaining that he doesn't even know why he's going out with Bonnie. Mike says it's because she's hot; it's the call of the wild. Ed says, "Thank you Marlon Perkins," which is a reference that nobody born after 1970 will get. Mike bets Ed $10 that when Ed goes out on his date that evening that he won't order a Shirley Temple. Ed actually flinches at this one. He doesn't want to come off as a complete and utter dumb-ass in front of this lady who takes great pleasure in humiliating him at every turn. But hey -- it's a ten-dollar bet we're talking about here -- a time-honored tradition. ["I love Shirley Temples." -- Wing Chun]

Just then, as if on cue, Tommy and his lawyer walk in, followed by Gary and the other two gents fired from Stuckeyville Mutual. Ed asks if he can help them, and they say that he called the meeting. Ed says he didn't call any meeting. Tommy's dad steps forward and says that it was he who called the meeting. Now that, my friend, is drama. Apparently, Dad wants the three fired men to drop their case and, in return, Tommy will give them their jobs back and apologize. Tommy says "no." Dad reminds him that he still owns 51\% of the company, and still calls the shots. Ed advises the men to take their jobs back, and they do. Just as business is concluded, Dad says, "One more thing." He pulls out the fish and tells Tommy to push the button. If the fish sings, Tommy keeps his job. If not, he loses his stock options, his corner office, his gold-digging wife, and his job. Oooooh, the irony! Tommy starts freaking out and doesn't want to press the fish's button. Dad says, "Press the button or you're fired." Dramatic music begins. Tommy's upper lip begins perspiring like a fat guy at an empty buffet line. He presses the button and the fish sings. Tommy exhales and nearly collapses. "Now we're done," Dad says, as everyone files out of the office. Ed presses the button again, and the fish sings again. Presses it again; fish sings again. "The button got jammed this morning," Dad tells Ed in confidence, "I thought it'd be a good way to scare the bejeezus out of my son." Yeah. I guess it beats nailing him to a cross.

Ed

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