Carmella is preparing to leave Mike and Nancy's as Mike leafs through the day's mail. Carmella is staring at him like she wants to jump his bones and call him "Cowboy." Mike asks whether he can help her, and she starts babbling that he's holding a wonderful catalog. Mike excuses himself and goes into the kitchen to tell Nancy that he thinks Carmella has a crush on him. Nancy can't stop laughing. Mike feels like a fat guy on prom night.
More commercials. Did you know that Zyban's not for everybody? I didn't either. But apparently, that's the case. Millions of dollars worth of advertising, and they still don't know who their market is. If I was the president of Zyban, I'd be busting some employee's asses, making them work 24-7 until they improved it to where it was for everybody. No questions asked. Get to work, Buster.
Back at the bowling alley, Ed's checking on Shirley's idea for a promotion. Shirley has come up with Karaoke Night, because she feels that singing in public gives people enormous pleasure. Ed says, "That should work, Shirley." Shirley says that it will work, and that he should "stop calling [her] Shirley." Ed laughs and says Airplane is one of his favorite movies. Shirley has no idea what he's talking about. I've seen bags of cement smarter than Shirley. Ed asks Phil what his promotion is going to be. Phil proudly displays his sign inviting patrons to come and "Meet the Gang from Happy Days." Ed says that won't work. Phil asks whether Ed's been smoking the wacky tobacky. He rattles off all the stars from the hit '70s show, and says that the Stuckey Bowl will be packed tighter than a Brazillian soccer stadium. Ed says it's just another of Phil's nutty ideas that won't work. Phil is appalled and challenges Ed to name one of his ideas that hasn't worked. Ed reels off some of Phil's past ideas off the top of his head: "Steaks, salt shakers, Stuckey Bowl commercials, Bowling Sensai, Fine Corinthian Turkeys, and ShaveMyPoodle.com." Phil says, "Wow. You and I remember those things very differently."
In the courtroom, Ed is grilling Tommy the evil boss. He says that Tommy's making Gary get up and humiliate himself by getting fired for not making the fish sing is what lawyers call "intentional infliction of emotional distress." Apparently, Tommy didn't consider that. Bonnie walks in and sits down at Ed's table with Ed and Gary. Bonnie and Ed get into an argument over Ed's plans to call Tommy's dad, the former boss at Stuckeyville Mutual to the stand. Bonnie says that's the absolute worst thing Ed could do. The argument escalates until the two are louder than Roseanne Barr having sex, and the judge tells Ed to argue one case at a time. Meanwhile, Tommy is innocently saying that his goal was to motivate his staff, not humiliate them. Bonnie and Ed get into another unruly outburst of arguments. Ed's reprimanded again, and calls Tommy's dad to the stand. Dad is a whole lot nicer than his son, and says that he ran the company differently than his son does. Ed asks, "Between us, do you think what Tommy did is right?" A long dramatic pause follows before Dad says, "Yes, what he did was right." Dad admits that they may have different methods of management, but that he's proud of his son. Dejected, Ed goes to sit back down at the table. "See if you can unscramble this sentence," Bonnie says, as she hands him a legal pad with "Told I So You" written on it. I burst out laughing until 7-Up is coming out my nose and I don't even drink that wretched crap.