Opening credits and commercials. I have to admit...I have never seen a single episode of Charlie's Angels. But if this new movie really does have a graphic lesbian threesome between those three stars like I've read it has...well...count me in, Charlie! Save a tub of popcorn and plenty of Kleenex for the Pittster!
Back in Stuckeyville, Mike and Ed are sitting at the breakfast table (not to be confused with the lunch, dinner, or even supper table). Mike bets Ed $10 that Ed cannot drink an entire bottle of syrup. Ed starts guzzling. I join in on the fun at home by guzzling another shot of schnapps. Nancy shows up in the kitchen looking like a $3 whore. Apparently, she was up all night with that brat-assed kid of theirs, Sara the Baby From Hell. Nancy tells Mike that he's GOT to start helping out with Sara by getting up with the little wretch in the middle of the night. Mike agrees to do it. Ed finishes the bottle of syrup and has a look on his face like he's about to vomit a Buick Skylark. Mike asks Nancy if she has $10 on her, which serves as the punch-line to the syrup gag. I've gotta admit...it left me hanging like a broken branch.
Richie the Mailman shows up to deliver the mail. Mike asks him if it might just be a bit too cold to wear shorts. Richie replies, "Not for me. I'm Norwegian." I gulp another shot of schnapps to see if the alcohol would make the joke a bit funnier. It doesn't. Mike invites Richie in for waffles. Apparently, Norwegians go cuckoo for waffles, as Richie drops everything and comes in for breakfast. I get the feeling those waffles may be a bit on the dry side after Ed wolfed down all the syrup in one gulp. I just hope that Richie doesn't get so aggravated he begins shooting the whole place up, disgruntled postman-style. Richie gives Ed his mail, and it turns out to be the divorce papers from his wife. I slap myself in the forehead repeatedly because I've been telling you people for two weeks that Ed was already divorced. I stand corrected with a slight posture problem that's hardly noticeable to the naked eye...Ed is NOT divorced yet. Mike explains to Richie (who must have missed the thirty-second recap of Ed's life at the beginning of the show) that Ed's wife slept with a mailman. Richie replies, "I wish mine would." At that point, schnapps came out my nose, which is not a pretty sight.