Over at Maison de Cannes Eiffel, Mike and Ed are slowly sliding down the side of the building with their backs to the walls like cat burglars about to pull off a major heist. Ed peeks into the window and sees Jackass and Carol sitting there gabbing and eating. Ed sees Carol's finger and notices that there's no ring on it, so he's not too late. Meanwhile, Mike has called inside and asked the maitre d' to page Jack Ass to the phone, please. Ed describes Jackass as a silver-haired gentleman, dining with a particularly beautiful blonde fraulein. Jackass is paged away, and Ed says he's going in. Meanwhile, Mike has gotten Jackass on the phone; Mike has disguised his voice. Mike tells Jackass that his name is Lamar Ferguson, and that he is the father of one of Jackass's students. There's a pregnant pause, and then Mike blurts, "Lamar Ferguson Jr." It doesn't read as funny as it actually was. Kind of like my autobiography.
Inside, Ed walks over to the table, where Carol's sitting alone. He has something to say to her. Dramatic music swells. Ed finally blurts, "Try the consommé." He insists that the restaurant makes a fine consommé. Carol wants to know if this is a joke. Jackass walks up, and Ed finally gets that handshake he's been waiting on. He tells Jackass to enjoy his braised short ribs and not to fill up on bread; Ed then says good night, slipping out a side door and having a great deal of trouble getting out of there. Carol gets a look on her face like, "I bet Ed's pining away for me and came in here to tell me he loves me and if he had just said it, I would have jumped in his arms and run away with him to wherever he wanted to run away to because anything beats spending the rest of my life with a prematurely gray-headed socially retarded jackass." Or maybe it was just gas from the consommé. It's time I admited that I have a hard time figuring out when troubling gaseous problems are affecting people on an individual basis.