Ed
Last Chance

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Last Chance

Once inside Jackass's office, we see the Jackass sitting at his desk, playing Solitaire on his laptop. That's our tax dollars at work, kids. The guy's not only a Class A asshole to people in Stuckeyville, but he's reaming us all sideways at tax time as well. Ed walks in and goes to shake Jackass's hand, but Jackass ends up reaching for something on his desk and leaving Ed hanging. Ed says he's there to check out Jackass's spider plant. He looks at it, and comments that it really does look like a spider. Sure does, Ed. Except it's a friggin' plant. Jackass asks him if that's all he's there for, because Jackass is "kinda busy" as he keeps playing Solitaire. Ed says that, now that Jackass mentions it, Ed's heard that Jackass plans on taking Carol to Chez Marcel Marceau this evening, and he needs to know why. Pretty gutsy move on Ed's part -- "gutsy" in the sense of "ignorant." Jackass wants to know how it's any of Ed's business why Jackass is taking Carol to a fancy French restaurant. Ed says that if it's because it's a special occasion, Ed will have to order a cake, and needs to know what to write on top of it. Ed has got to be the absolute worst liar under pressure I have ever witnessed. Jackass asks if Ed's really going to buy Carol and Jackass a cake, and Ed leers, "You like marzipan?" Jackass tells Ed that he's kinda busy, so if Ed wouldn't mind...get the f out. Ed sheepishly leaves.

Over in Molly's classroom, Molly's excusing the class and telling them that tomorrow is the last day of the school year. Molly asks Warren to stay behind. Warren asks why. Molly says it's because she's got lust in her loins and needs Warren to give her some hot student lovin'. Sorry. That's not what she really said. I've got to stop reading Penthouse Forum before I write these recaps. Actually, Diane and MegaMark are waiting out in the hallway and want to have a word with the Chezzkat. Warren's a bit miffed about this ambush, but decides to let the two have their day in court. Diane and MegaMark both agree that the kiss they shared on the stairs was meaningless and done purely out of emotion at the time. MegaMark pleads for Warren to let this go because they've all been friends too long for something like this to affect them. Warren says that they're no longer friends, and that it's high time he found himself some new friends. He walks out into the hallway and loudly announces, "Good day everyone. My name is Warren Cheswick and I'd like to be your friend. I'm particularly fond of baggy pants, heavy-metal music with elements of rap included, and skateboarding." Warren walks up to a skate punk in the hallway, takes his skateboard, and starts skateboarding up and down the hallway to show MegaMark and Diane that he doesn't need their friendship because he's now part of the skateboarding culture. I've got to say, if this were real life instead of television, Warren would be eating a skateboard by now. Skate punks don't screw around with people who take their boards and then skate up and down the school's hallways. They'll kill you for even thinking of such a thing. Warren skates up to the guy whose skateboard he had borrowed, and the guy tells Warren that he sucks. Warren claims this is "skateboarder's honesty," and that's why he's now part of their clique. Warren asks the guys what they've got going on for the night, but they just walk away from him as Diane and MegaMark shake their heads. Well, in MegaMark's case, he was just shaking his chins.

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Ed

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