Last Chance

Episode Report Card
Uncle Bob: C+ | Grade It Now!
Last Chance

Warren's at his locker. He slams it and finds MegaMark standing silently behind it, scaring Warren. Warren tells MegaMark not to sneak up on him like that, and MegaMark says he hasn't been able to sneak up on anyone since the fourth grade. Dammit! The bastard stole my line! Granted, I was going to say "third grade," which would have been one year funnier, but it doesn't matter now because the point is moo. They walk down the hall; Warren is all giddy about the upcoming Stuckeyville Fair, starting tomorrow night. Since the beginning of time, women can't resist the charms of rides put together by men with second-grade educations, and carny food. This lethal combination is what Warren thinks will make Diane fall curly head over heels in love with him. MegaMark stops Warren and says they have a problem. What kind of problem? MegaMark says it: he's in love with Diane Snyder. Warren says he's not; he just said that the kiss was meaningless. MegaMark says he's sorry, but he was lying; he's in love with Diane. Warren starts to lose it as he feels his world come crashing down around him, while MegaMark is cool as a cucumber. MegaMark says that the heart wants it wants, and he wants Diane, and that it's complicated because he and Warren are best buds. Warren says that's right, and now MegaMark's interested in his lady. He says it about four times, his voice getting more shrill with each repitition. MegaMark says, "Calm down, Joe Pesci." Warren says that this is crazy, because MegaMark is the one who told Warren to go out with Diane in the first place. A look of shame comes over MegaMark's face, and he quietly says, "It's because I didn't think I had a chance." Oh. My. God. I'm sorry, but this kid is one helluva actor. When he said that, my heart just dropped. Suddenly, in a moment of clarity, I have decided that I've spent too much effort ridiculing this guy for the last two years. From now on, he'll simply be known in my recaps as Mark. This is because he's a great kid who's pained on the inside and torn between hurting his best friend and going after the woman he loves and he shouldn't be judged by his physical stature. Plus, it's getting to be a royal pain in the ass typing MegaMark every time I have to mention the fat bastard. Mark walks away as Warren calls after him that he doesn't stand a chance against Warren P. Cheswick, and asks if Mark knows that Warren's one of the greatest lovers of their time. Mark smugly says, "Yeah, it was a question on Jeopardy!." Warren says he'll just see Mark at the fair, and damn...Mark can play this pained teenager role to the hilt.

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