Ed
Lloyd

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O Brother, Where Art Thy Brains?

Over at Mike and Nancy's, Mike's enjoying some breakfast before he goes to his office and sits on his ass for eight hours because he turned down his role as Dr. Handsome last week and now has no patients. Nancy waltzes in wearing her jammies, and I instinctively yank down my pants, to my wife's and young son's horror. I quickly remember that I'm watching this on tape and not in the privacy of the bedroom with the door locked, sheepishly grin, apologize, and pull my pants back up. Meanwhile, my son is mentally cursing his gene pool. Nancy announces that she was up until 3 AM chatting with the internet geeks in the Billy Joel chat room. Mike's not too impressed that his wife is chatting with losers from the internet and rightfully so -- especially when his wife gets out of bed with a bigger grin on her face from four hours of sleep than she would after four hours of sex with Dr. Handsome. Say what you want about us internet geeks, Mikey...but we be takin' care o' yo' old lady and gettin' the job you can't do done, beeyotch. Nancy tells Mike that she wants to have a Billy Joel chatroom get-together at their house. Mike asks her to pass him the Yellow Pages so he can get the number of a good cult deprogrammer. Nancy giggles, calls Mike crazy, and says that they always hang out with the same losers each week, and she wants to meet the Billy Joel geeks. Mike says that she may be right, he may be crazy, but it just may be a lunatic she's looking for. Yeah, Mike. Except she's looking for him on the net, dude. Fair warning, buddy: I'm out here. And I'm cruising the official Billy Joel website on a regular basis now. And I'm gonna steal that sexpot away from you quicker than a rabbit's orgasm.

As Ed's finishing up a court case, Lloyd comes bounding into the courtroom. Lloyd's impressed with Ed's mad skillz and still can't believe his little brother's a lawyer. Well, believe it, bitch, and if you're still having trouble swallowing it, maybe you just might get your ass sued by Edward J. Stevens for harrassment, mi amigo. They're walking out of the courtroom to get some lunch when Lloyd starts saying that Ed bought a bowling alley at just the right time, because bowling is in style once again. And out west, they have bowling alleys that are more like nightclubs than bowling alleys. Ed sighs and finally realizes what Lloyd's doing here: he's here to sell Ed on the idea of turning Stuckey Bowl into a swinging nightclub with neon bowling pins and techno music pumped through stacks of amplifiers. Lloyd pulls out a magazine and shows Ed pictures of celebrities like Bruce Willis, Minnie Driver, George Stephanopoulos, and Crispin Glover...all bowling. Ed points out that it's not Crispin Glover, it's Danny Glover. Lloyd tells Ed that he's missing the point, explaining that now's the time to turn Stuckey Bowl into a wild-assed bowling club. Ed says no, adding that Lloyd always has these crazy schemes and never follows through on any of them. Ed tells him to grow up and get a real career instead of always going for the big payoff. Lloyd says that he's forty years old, and asks Ed what he's supposed to do -- work in a shoe store? He's got a point. He's missing most of his right foot. Working in a shoe store would be kinda cruel at this point. Ed still says no. Lloyd says okay and dejectedly says they need to go get some lunch. Ed sighs and looks like he hates to have to turn his brother down. Ed's such a sucker. I bet he does turn Stuckey Bowl into a bowling emporium. Only because I've seen the commercials for this episode and he's either turning it into a bowling nightclub or Ed and Lloyd stumble into a really macho gay bar.

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Ed

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