Ed
Lloyd

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Uncle Bob: C+ | Grade It Now!
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O Brother, Where Art Thy Brains?

At the Smiling Goat, Warren is telling MegaMark that, had he gotten his foot in the door at that frat party, all of his life's problems would be solved. MegaMark notices Diane standing outside like a poor little match girl, and motions for her to come join them. MegaMark tells Warren that he needs to look into nailing Diane on a semi-regular basis. I know it's not a very PC thing to say, but I'd sooner saw my penis off with a rusted chainsaw then have sex with Diane. She just doesn't float my boat. Neither does Molly. Sorry, kids. They're not my type. I like my women with self-esteem. Anyway, Warren's telling MegaMark that he doesn't wanna hear no lip about Diane liking him when Carrie walks up her walker (because she's so damned old). Carrie says she missed Warren at the party the other night, and Warren says they had to leave and go to Home Depot to buy a crapload of wood. What he meant to say is that he had to go home because his underwear was full of wood after he met her. Carrie tells Warren that there's another party on Friday night, and tells him he should come. Warren says he will...in his pants. Carrie tells him to meet her outside at 7, and she'll get him in the place. Now then, it may have been a few decades since your dear old Uncle Bob was in college, but in my day, if a party started at 7 PM, you can bet your sweet ass Dungeons and Dragons would have been involved somehow. Only nerd parties start at 7. Cool parties don't start a minute before 11 PM. I should know. I cruised through college with a 0.3 GPA but a 4.0 in Partayyy. Meanwhile, Diane sits down with our heroes and thanks the mouth-breathers for not waiting for her. Which really isn't fair, since MegaMark has a glandular disorder and couldn't make it through a family member's funeral without a snack of some sort. MegaMark comments that the two young would-be lovers are so cute together, and neither one acknowledges the comment because the thought of any naked physical contact between them is enough to make Warren retch and Diane squeal in public like a seal with its flipper caught in an oscillating fan.

Back behind Stuckey Bowl, the beer guy's telling Ed and Lloyd that the beer costs $18 a case. Lloyd asks, if they were to buy a large amount -- say 100 cases -- how much would that cost? The price is non-negotiable; it's $18 a pop. A billion cases? $18. Ed thinks it's a good price, but Lloyd doesn't, and he pulls Ed back into the bowling alley for a second. Lloyd says that while Ed may have the college smarts, Lloyd knows people, and Ed should let Lloyd negotiate with the guy. Ed's not thrilled with this, but Lloyd briskly brushes past him. Ed contemplates crushing his brother's skull with a bowling ball, but then realizes that he would probably represent himself in a court of law for premeditated murder and then people around Stuckeyville would start calling him "Cain." Or "Abel." Whichever brother killed the other one. Hell if I know. I don't know all that history shit. I'm tryin' to keep it real over here.

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Ed

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