Losing Streak

Episode Report Card
Uncle Bob: C | Grade It Now!
There's No Need To Argue, Parents Just Don't Understand

In somebody's driveway, Ed and Mike are trying to teach Carol and Nancy about the "Pick and Roll." They demonstrate the move and Carol admits it's a sneaky move and she likes it. Ed gives her the ball and tells her to try it, while patting her on the ass. Carol turns around with venom in her eyes. Ed quickly explains that's called a basketball pat, and he even called her "Buddy" to prove it was just a friendly pat. Carol turns back around and Ed debates on sniffing his fingers.

In the courtroom, everyone is watching a video that was secretly taken of Ted the day he thought he won the lottery. Ted begins freaking out on the video, telling everyone to kiss his $20 million ass. He tells Durford that the reason he's quitting is because the company sucks, Durford sucks, boxes suck. In the video, you see one of the defendants trying to calm Ted down, but Ted's wound up -- hell, he just became a millionaire. The tape is shut off and Ed asks the defendant what happened next. The defendant says that Ted ran off before the pranksters could tell him the truth. Ted went home, told his wife he was leaving her, and took off. The defendant says that they're always playing pranks like this at work, and recently put a live ferret in a guy's locker. The defendant then says that he really tried to tell Ted it was fake, but it was too late.

Back in the gym, Carol has successfully taught the girls the "Pick and Roll." Before the scene can reach a steamy and erotic shower sequence, we're back in the courtroom. I sit in my recliner and repeatedly slap myself in the forehead like an autistic child, pissed that I didn't get to see any skin.

Anyway...back in the courtroom, the defendant is being cross-examined, basically reiterating that they had no idea Ted would freak out so suddenly over the lottery ticket. The prosecutor asks if the defendants ever heard Ted bitch about his job. The defendant said yeah, Ted hated his job and was always talking about the day that he won the lottery, when he'd walk out of the rathole. But the defendant always thought that was "just talk." The prosecutor corrects him, saying that this time it turned out not to be "just talk."

Back in the gym, Carol and Ed are picking and rolling. Carol's excited that her girls had such a good time practicing earlier that day, and that even though it may sound corny, they seem like brand-new people now. She finally tells Ed that she has to tell him something. Ed says he knows what it is -- that she's wildly attracted to him, that they should quit torturing themselves and start doing it already. Carol blows off his subliminal seduction and tells him that she had lunch with his parents and that they tried to get her to talk him into going back to New York, offering her $1,000 to do it. Ed's about as pissed as he can possibly get, which is similar to watching a Muppet lose it. "That's it, I'm telling them to leave," he says. Carol then asks Ed whether he thinks his life was better in New York. Ed says that maybe it was, on paper. But he never got to play basketball on a weekday afternoon in New York. Carol then slaps him on the ass and calls him "Buddy." Ed grins, and truth be told, probably ran home and slapped his little German soldier around several times just thinking about that butt slap.

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