She says she's sorry that they'll never know what woulda happened between them. Ed says that statistics prove most relationships don't last so they're saving themselves a whole lot of heartache down the road. "Still," Bonnie says, "I'm glad it was you that got me back on the horse." OHMIGOD!! She's strung out on heroin and Ed is the one who drove her to it!! She's a smack goddess!! She's riding the H train, petting the white horse, passing out in a puddle of her own sick!! Ed thanks her for getting him back on the horse, too. OH SWEET JEEBUS!! You mean to tell me that Ed's a horsehead, too?? I mean...c'mon...I could accept the two of them sharing a joint now and then...but HEROIN?!?
Oh. Wait. She meant getting back on the horse as far as getting involved again with people in a relationship. My bad.
Bonnie says she has to go. She says, "Goodbye Ed Stevens," and my heart melts. Ed says, "Goodbye Bonnie Hane," and dammit dammit dammit...I have tears welling up in my eyes. Okay, maybe Bonnie is a bitch, a black widow, a whore amongst whores, an evil skank, and Satan's slut. But my boy Ed REALLY likes this gal, and I think that's going to have to be enough for me to bend the rules here and say...don't go Bonnie. Ed needs your ass.
Before I can say it, Ed and Bonnie are macking like a couple of fifteen-year-old virgins behind a curtain at the school dance. I'm glad that on their last night together, they could put aside their differences to engage in a little Jamaican tongue wrestling.
Back at the alley. Christ, how many times have I typed in those four words today? Rudy is rigging one of the ball returners so it will cause "a little accident" to befall one of Ed's customers while that evil bastard Phil watches and cheers on Rudy's every evil action. Rudy has quintupled the speed of the ball return, so that when it comes back, it may shoot off the track and smash somebody's foot. With a lawsuit like that, there's no WAY that Ed can stay in business. Phil begins laughing maniacally, pointing a flashlight under his chin to give off some pretty frightening vibes. Rudy asks him what he's doing and Phil says he thought it was about time for a fake evil laugh. Rudy ponders actually getting Phil involved with this scam. Just then, Ed walks in saying, "Phil, what possible reason could you have for calling me down here at 2 AM?"
Phil, in what has to be one of his coolest moments ever on the show, turns the tables on Rudy. "Ed," he says, pointing an accusing finger at Rudy, "This is the man responsible for the sabotage of one Stuckey Bowl bowling center." Rudy is shocked. Phil continues, "That's right Rudy, I've captured every moment of it on security cameras. You, sir, have been served up like trout on a sterling silver platter." Rudy's hurt and says, "I trusted you." Phil, borrowing a line from The Godfather says, "You made a classic mistake, sir. You tried to get me to take sides against the family. Now, let's get his most heinous act committed to videotape." Ed takes Rudy aside and says that if he does one more thing to sabotage Stuckey Bowl, Ed will press charges against him. Rudy says "okay" and goes to leave. Phil rolls a ball down the alley, explaining to Ed exactly what Rudy had done by quintupling the speed of the...all of a sudden the ball comes flying out of the chute, heading straight for Ed's head. Ed ducks and the ball goes sailing through his office window. Ed and Phil stare at the broken window. "Was that absolutely necessary?" Ed asks. "I think so," Phil lies.