Episode Report Card
Uncle Bob: B+ | 4 USERS: A+
You've Gotta Fight For Your Right To Bonnie

And some commercials. Michael J. Fox is peddling Gateway Computers now. I'm sure that was his plan all along...quit a successful sitcom...start hawking shitty computers. It's like every success story ever told in reverse. Next he'll be dragging vacuum cleaners door-to-door and finally flipping burgers at Burger Hut. And please...no hate mail on the Gateways if you don't mind. I'm sure there're PLENTY of you out there with Gateways that have never had a problem. I had several. Now I have a Compaq. No problems.

Back from commercials, Nancy introduces Molly and Carol to the group of bonafide dorks in Nancy's den that she refers to as her "book club." El Dorko #1, a rugged looking geek by the name of Jeff, tells Molly and Carol that before they can officially join the club, they have to answer a question designed to test their basic literary knowledge: "What's the first line of Moby Dick? Carol blurts out, "Call me Ishmael." Jeff says "Okay Ishmael...what's the first line of Moby Dick?" I laughed my ass off and then poked myself in the eye with a fork to calm myself back down. Molly gives Jeff a look like, "I might like you better if we slept together."

Back at the bowling alley, Ed's still at the shoe-rental counter when a customer walks up bitching about how when Big Rudy owned Stuckey Bowl, if you bowled over 250, you won a free pack of smokes. He then says smugly, "I just bowled 253," like he should be on the cover of Sports Illustrated or something. Ed, always aiming to please, tells Shirley to "get this nice gentleman a pack of cigarettes please." Shirley gets lost in a quick daydream, counting how many times Big Rudy would utter that exact same sentence to her, and moments later, find himself on the receiving end of a tasty hummer in the broom closet, compliments of the Shirley Machine.

A young lass with a somewhat hippie look about her approaches Ed. Her name is Amanda Bays and she's the lead singer of The Solids, the local band with such memorable classics as "You Never Wrote Those Songs, Bitch," "You're Out Of The Band," and "Don't Try And Sue Us (We'll See You In Court)." She wants to sue her bandmates because they've kicked her out of the band and they're playing the songs that she says she wrote. Plus, they might think she's a bitch. As it turns out, The Solids have a chance at a record deal, but only if they dump Amanda first. The music industry is a cold, cold bitch, people. All Amanda wants is for the band to quit playing her songs because, dammit, they're HER songs. I'm no fancy Stuckeyville lawyer, but that sounds fair to me. Ed asks her if she can prove that she wrote all the songs and she says she can -- they're all scribbled down in a notebook...IN BLOOD!!!

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