Ed
Loyalties

Episode Report Card
Uncle Bob: B+ | 4 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
You've Gotta Fight For Your Right To Bonnie

Okay...it wasn't really in blood. But it would have been cool if she had said that. I think I probably woulda gotten a pee shiver over it.

Ed tells her to get the notebook and then announces that he's pretty sure he can beat the living dog shit out of her former bandmates in a court of law and agrees to take her case. They grope on it. Which -- once again -- wouldn't it be cool if instead of "shaking" hands on a deal, we "groped" on it? If it's someone you're not particularly attracted to, you could ruffle their hair or something to seal a deal. But if you found them appealing, you could, like, grab a chunk o' butt or something.

I'm rambling, aren't I?

Through the miracles of modern-day technology, Ed arrives in the offices of Ms. Bonnie Hane. He bursts into her office and begins babbling in a Law & Order-intro monotone that I thought was kinda witty myself about how her day is broken up into two categories: prosecuting and having lunch. He asks her to lunch. She giggles like a little schoolgirl and they're off. They're walking down the street and Ed is positively giddy because he's finally emptied the sperm ducts out of the old scrotal sac area with an actual female. Ed asks her to ride piggyback on his back. Bonnie refuses because she's a bitch. Ed pushes it; he really wants her on his back. It's the early part of their relationship and he believes they should be frolicking and romping. Bonnie says she's not a fan of public affection, which is like saying Timothy McVeigh wasn't a fan of the government. Ed is shocked that she won't ride piggyback on him and taunts her with phrases like, "What...you think I can't lift you?" and, "Are you feeling unwieldy?" Bonnie finally agrees and the happy young couple piggyback down the street.

Unbeknownst to the goofy twosome, Molly and Carol are walking towards them. Molly is prattling on about the "Call Me Ishmael" guy from the Book Club the previous night. Carol prods Molly into admitting she has a bad case of the hornies for Jeff. Molly admits it and Carol says, "Looks like love is in the air for Molly Hudson," which makes Molly beam. All of a sudden, Carol sees Ed and Bonnie coming towards them, and Carol forces Molly to turn around and they walk briskly down the street to avoid crossing Ed's path.

Ed sees them from behind and knows it's Carol and Molly because when you look at the two of them side-by-side from behind they look like the number "10."

Back at Stuckey Bowl, Amanda Bays is giving an unplugged set of her greatest hits to a small crowd consisting of Kenny, Shirley, and Phil. In what is one of the more hilarious sight gags in the history of the show, Kenny has a single tear running down his cheek as he listens to the song. Phil looks as if he's in love, and Shirley looks like Dawn Wiener's older sister from Welcome To The Dollhouse. Ed asks Amanda the name of the song. It's "Watching Him Go," a little ditty she fired off when her boyfriend Gideon left her. Kenny chimes in with, "Some of the most powerful art has been born out of heartache." Ed notices Kenny's tear and is taken aback but is polite enough to not point out that Kenny's a Wussosaurus. Ed asks Amanda if she has her notebook. Nope. She can't find it. Even though I know it does no good, I mumble "Fuckin' liar" at the television in a venom-drenched voice. She's there to tell Ed that the Solids will be playing LIVE at the Smiling Goat with their new lead singer that evening. Ed, a big fan of wuss rock, says he'll be there and try to talk some sense into the band.

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Ed

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