Answer: We're reading the Ed recap! (Confetti falls from your ceiling as party hats are put on and horns are blown and everyone does the MBTV Ed recap dance. This is all in my head, mind you. Please don't feel like the recap is malfunctioning because no confetti just fell from your ceiling.)
Molly's walking down the street during a particularly nasty snow, desperately trying to find someone with whom to walk arm in arm, because we all know that there's no possible way Molly can walk down a street without hanging off someone. Carol jumps out of a store and approaches Molly, asking how the date with Jeff went. Molly says it went well until it started to really, really suck. Then she starts jumping all up Carol's ass because Carol never told her that Jeff asked her out even though I'm pretty convinced that Carol did tell her which I covered about eleven paragraphs ago. ["You were right then, and you're right now." -- Wing Chun] They get in this huffy little bitch fight on the street, and Molly says that she's not one of the losers Carol always adopts to help because Carol's own life was handed to her on a silver platter. Carol storms off, telling Molly she's tired of Molly's always trying to position herself as the underdog in life. Then she calls Molly a cheeseburger-sucking whorebag from a distance, but we at home didn't hear it because we were already being consumed by...
...commercials. NBC insists that I don't miss the last five minutes of The West Wing. That's cool. I'll just skip the first fifty-five minutes.
Back in court, Kendall's lawyer is asking Kendall why he sold placebos to Harry and everyone else. Kendall says it's because he had tried everything else, and that placebos were the last resort. The lawyer wants to know why he charged his patients $85 a week, and Kendall says that the more the placebos cost, the more effective the patients would think they were. Kendall used to charge less for the placebos, but they didn't work as well. He found that $85 is the least he could charge and still have patients think they were getting a great deal on pharmaceuticals. He says that he asked each of the patients whether it would be worth $85 a week to get rid of their arthritis, and each of them said it would be. So he embarked on a mission to do just that. He gave them relief from years of physical agony. Then it's Ed's turn, and he asks Kendall to imagine that he went to a jeweler's and bought his wife a $5,000 diamond. His wife enjoys the diamond for about ten years, and then he realizes that the diamond is not a diamond, but a cubic zirconia. He goes back to the jeweler to get his money back, and the jeweler refuses, saying that he paid for the experience of owning a $5,000 diamond. How would Kendall respond to this hypothetical situation? Kendall would want his money back. Is charging a large amount of money the only way he could make the patients think they were getting good medicine? Couldn't he have just told them that they found a generic brand that would only cost them five dollars a week? As long as we're making up lies, why not make up lies that don't cost as much. Ed wants to know how much these sugar pills cost Kendall. He's not sure. Ed's sure: they cost sixteen cents a week, meaning that the patient pays 531 times what the pills cost him. Note to self...the placebo business may be the route to take when this MBTV gig falls through. Nothing further from Ed. Kendall looks like a whipped frog.