Ed
Mind Over Matter

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Friends Don't Let Friends Scam On Their Potential Boyfriends

In the Stuckeyville tanning salon, Dr. Kendall is tanning in his bed while talking to Ed. They talk about equestrian law. Kendall asks Ed whether he can handle some equestrian law; Ed doesn't want to talk about equestrian law, he wants to talk about Harry. Kendall notices that Ed's tense about something, and offers to buy him a tan. Ed declines, and says that Kendall owes Harry $85 for the last twenty-two weeks, which amounts to $1,870. Kendall agrees, and writes Ed a check for the amount. He says he's doing so in order to put the whole affair behind them, but that he doesn't want this check to be considered an admission of guilt; rather, it's just the way that gentlemen handle things. Ed's visibly uncomfortable around Dr. Kendall, because Kendall's walking around in a tight Speedo and has a package that could rival Milton Berle's. Kendall asks Ed whether he's sure he doesn't want a tan. Ed says, "I'm cool," and leaves.

At the MENSA cocktail party, Jeff is telling Molly that she must think he's a dork for joining MENSA. Molly says no, adding that she came really close to joining herself one time. Jeff asks why she didn't, and she admits that she has the IQ of a golf ball. Jeff introduces Molly to some people who ask her whether she's a member of MENSA. Molly says no, but that she can multiply two five-digit numbers in her head. The gentleman grills Molly, throwing a couple of five-digit numbers at her. She reels off the answer, and she and Jeff walk away. Jeff's amazed by this ability and says he didn't know she could do this. She says she can't, and confesses that she was just reeling off her social security number. Jeff giggles like a schoolgirl and they get some punch.

At the City Council meeting, a local man is arguing with the president of the council over the Stuckeyville Little Leaguers getting some aluminum bats so that they can compete successfully against the other Little Leagues in the area. The president insists that there's no money in the city's budget for aluminum bats. In the audience, Carol asks Ed whether he knows what he's going to say, and Ed says, "I know what I'm not going to say -- I'm going to steer clear of any mention of aluminum bats." Finally, the aluminum-bat guy is ushered away, and the President asks whether there's anybody else in attendance who needs to address the Council. Ed steps forward, introduces himself as the owner of Stuckey Bowl, and says he wants landmark status for Stuckey Bowl. Why would they do that? It has no architectural or historical significance. Ed says that this may be true, but that the bowling alley is woven into the very fabric of the town. He brings up the fact that Stuckey Bowl and Stuckeyville sound alike. This flies like a wounded cockatoo.

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