Ed
Mixed Signals

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Uncle Bob: B | Grade It Now!
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Eenie Meenie Miney Mo, Catch A Prom Date By The Toe

Commercials, and...an NBC SURPRISE EVENT!! This week...in Peoria, Illinois (coincidentally...the birthplace of Uncle Bob...write that down in your trivia books, kiddies), a man has decided to surprise his mother on her birthday. His mother's running in a cancer run, and cancer is what killed his grandmother, so this run is very important to his mother. NBC has rigged it so that just as Mom crosses the finish line, Son will jump out and surprise her. Everything goes as planned, and this surprise has GOT to be the most insane waste of network airtime since Cop Rock. Mom looks like she could give a shit that her son's there; meanwhile the son is trying to play this whole thing up like it's just HUGE that he's there so that the people at home can say something other than "Why in God's name is this shit on my TV screen right now?" Sorry, Bub. It didn't work. Here's the biggest surprise...your mom didn't care that you showed up, and neither did we.

Back in the alley, Phil is sitting with a guy in a booth. Phil is interviewing the man, who has applied for an entertainment position on Vega$ Night. The guy's a comedian who once opened for Robert Goulet in Vegas. Phil's impressed, but he still wants to ask the guy some questions. First...is he funny. The guy says he's funny. Phil wants to know how funny is he. The guy says he's "hysterically funny." Phil gives him thirty seconds to make him laugh. The guy says, "All right...a priest and a rabbi walk into a bar," and Phil just loses it, laughing his smug ass off. Phil's laughing so hard he can barely catch his breath when Ed walks up. "I'm going to court," Ed announces. "Tell him what you told me," Phil laughs, wiping his eyes. The comedian says, "A rabbi and a priest walk into a bar..." and Phil busts yet another gut trying desperately to explain to Ed why that line is so funny. Ed just looks dumbfounded and walks away as Phil dies laughing.

In the courtroom, a video is being shown of Jerry's putt when a fat guy in the audience at the tournament yells, "YOU DA MAN, JERRY!!" and we see Jerry miss the putt. Ed asks Mr. Veccio why he yelled this out. Veccio says it's because Jerry is "da man." Ed says Veccio is taking this lightly, and Veccio explains that he's a sports fanatic and this is his way of supporting Jerry. Veccio can't just sit still and watch a sports event quietly; he has to scream until his lungs bleed. He does this at baseball games, football games, everywhere. Ed says that this is golf, not football or baseball, and Veccio points out there's nowhere in any law book or rulebook that says he did anything wrong.

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Ed

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