Ed
Nice Guys Finish Last

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Nice Guys Finish Last

We open this week's Ed with a barrage of horn blasts. This audio effect carries on throughout the entire episode and is about the worst plot gimmick since that horrendous Seinfeld episode where the gang went to India and the entire episode was backwards. Granted, the horn blasts are needed to drive the point of the plot home, but this was one episode where the plot alone was torture to sit through without everyone screaming over horns for an hour on top of it. Anyway, we're at Stuckey Bowl. Shirley is approaching Ed, carrying a plate containing a piece of bread with a slice of cheese on top. Shirley tells Ed she's invented a new sandwich. Ed tells her it's called an open-faced sandwich. Shirley says she invented the sandwich and that she'll name it, thank you very much. Ed wants to know what the deal is with all the trucks. Shirley doesn't know. She's more concerned about what to name a slice of bread with cheese on top. So Ed wanders outside to the road in front of the bowling alley and starts waving down the trucks that are passing by. Finally, a trucker stops and gives Ed some hitchhiking advice: if you're going to hitch, write the city you're going to on a piece of cardboard and hold it up. This way, if a trucker sees a sign with a city on his route, he's more likely to stop. Ed tells the trucker that he's not hitching; if he were, Ed would be showing a bit more of that pale bony leg of his. Nay, Ed wants to know why all the trucks are in their sleepy little burg all of a sudden. The trucker tells Ed that the company he drives for -- B&B Trucking -- has changed all of the truckers' routes so that they now have to drive straight through Stuckeyville in order to avoid the new toll road. Ed tells the trucker that he's ruining everyone's life in Stuckeyville; the trucker says it's not his call, and that he's just doing his job. The trucker then leaves, and we see Phil sitting in the parking lot of the bowling alley selling beaded seat covers. Phil grins and says, "Where there's chaos, there's opportunity, baby!" Ed says, "I'm in..." as a truck passes by him. When the truck completely passes, he finishes his sentence, "...hell." Yeah, but at least you're getting paid major duckies for being there, Mr. Cavanagh. The rest of us only get an hour shaved off our lives this week.

The opening credits kick in, and Clem Snide whines about his moment in the sun. Yes, I know that Clem Snide is the name of a band and not a solo artist, thus "his" is not appropriate in the previous sentence. I use the word "his" to illustrate my genuine lack of caring for the band, the singer, and the songwriter, as well as their management, their record label, and their meandering website. And their sisters. I cannot stand their sisters.

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