Know what would be a great idea? Get Elizabeth Taylor completely stoned, then send her out onstage at the Golden Globes to present an award. Wait, what? That happened already? Huh.
Phil, dishing out bowling shoes at Stuckey Bowl, is telling everyone to shave his poodle. They're all disgusted, and a little scared. Ed is on his cell phone, yelling at someone to tell the D.A. she is acting totally unacceptably. Carol sneaks into the office and listens, impressed and slightly covetous of a good old-fashioned Ed Stevens spanking. "[You were] hot under the collar," she tells him. "It's good." Then she notices an array of plumbing supplies on Ed's desk. "All the accoutrements to fix your pipe...Do not underestimate my ingenuity." Carol is dubious, so Ed reminds her that he once used duct tape, a sled, and roller skates to make the renowned Stuckeyville Street Luge. That thud you heard was MacGyver fainting. Carol deadpans that she'll happily let Ed out of the bet, and he looks relieved -- and, whoa! That sly Carol was just kidding. She flaunts her certain victory a bit. A poodle walks by with the word "jinx" shaved into its fur. Coyly, Carol also offers to make dinner. With a semi-flirty farewell, she leaves. Ed watches, holding a pipe. He abruptly jerks it upright and stares at it. I'd make a Viagra joke, but I'm too busy looking to see if Roget lists "Ed" as a synonym for "predictable" in his esteemed thesaurus.
Halls of Justice. Ed wanders over to D.A. Hayne to once again posit that the Schaeffer case is frivolous -- but this time, our crafty devil uses the word "nuts" so that it looks like a different argument. Ms. Hayne argues that Schaeffer's actions contravene the people's common good, and it's her duty to represent the people however and wherever the law is violated. Apparently, the "people" entrusted her with this. Ed opens his mouth to fight her, but she snaps that she's not expecting much from him after his performance earlier that day. As she jauntily exits the building, Ed stares agape at her. I think Uptight McPrissy is supposed to be charmingly adroit at slinging clever barbs with our Ed, but instead she's irritating and hostile. Between her and Carol, I'd choose Carol. Hell, between her and a one-eyed monkey with hygiene problems, the monkey would win every time.
Ed just wants to defeat Ms. Hayne, he tells Mike. For his part, Mike wants to know if she's hot. Grudgingly, Ed admits that she's hot, and says the saucy minx needs only to be bowled over by some Stuckey, Edward J Stevens style. Mike only hears the "hot" part, and says, "Yeeeah," while cuddling his baby daughter. Ed, suddenly inspired, starts up with this week's $10 bet.