Carol and Molly, strolling outside for no apparent reason, are discussing the soapbox event. Carol's waxing rhapsodic about the wild fun she and Ed had together, and Molly is faking enthusiasm. "Sounds like quite a night," she says, flatly. Carol is glowing. Suddenly, Molly is smacked with the Obvious Stick. "Carol Vessey wants Ed Stevens," she says, surprised. Carol denies it vehemently, and Molly drags her to the library to look at a map of Carol's new home -- Egypt.
Halls of Justice. Ed puts Mr. Schaeffer on the stand and asks about the parking meters. Schaeffer says he reckons he's poured hundreds of dollars into the meters since the holidays because he abhors the idea of getting a $30 parking ticket for being one minute late. "Life is just one pain in the ass after another," he says. "I'm trying to make a tiny little dent in the world's accumulated ass-pain." Dent my ass-pain. Now that's a catchphrase. Ms. Hayne questions Shaeffer's motives, suggesting he's doing it to boost business -- people who think they can park for free might be more likely to stop and buy a sandwich. "I bet you're making money off this scam," she says, casually. She and Ed bicker about synonyms for "scam," although the subtext is more like, "Your place?" "Mine." "Under the table?" "On the stove."
Life Stream Ultra Thin Greeting Cards With All-Natural Absorbent Core. Margaret calls an unprepared Nancy to the boardroom. Nervously, she asks the writers for the copy they've prepared, and they stare blankly at her. She forgot to give them the new deadline. "I'm screwed," Nancy sighs. Hey, it's all right. I'm sure Life Stream makes a little something in latex.
The police chief is on the stand at the trial. He testifies that the meters once brought in more than one thousand dollars, but lately, the amount has fallen to a couple hundred. He also says Mr. Schaeffer only puts money in when he sees a meter maid approaching. The D.A. primly repeats that Schaeffer is helping people commit a crime, and he must be destroyed. As she returns to her desk, she leans in toward Ed and whispers, "You're allowed to ask questions now. It's called cross-examination." Ed glares at her, speechless, and contemplates plugging her ass with a few hundred dimes. Instead, he sidles up to the witness stand and, in true Edward "The 'J' stands for 'Edgy'" Stevens form, he works magic on the chief. Feigning confusion, Ed asks for clarification on how a handful of meters can bring in $1100 per month. The cop admits that figure includes what the city makes from parking tickets. When the cop fudges that he can't recall quite how much the tickets are usually worth, Ed whips out a fact sheet and proves that $980 came from tickets. Ms. Hayne's shoulders slump a bit. A reindeer drops out of her ass. "This was never about the meters," Ed concludes. "This was about you meeting some kind of ticket quota." The chief shrugs, slightly ashamed, and Ed tsks, "I used to think police wanted less crime, not more." The D.A.'s reindeer rockets back up her bum as she bleats, "Objection!"