Hi. Brad F'n Pitt here. I'd like to say I'm glad to be writing for Mighty Big TV, but these guys have saddled me with recapping Ed. And right now...my 'ed 'urts.
Bwahahahahaha!! That's the first joke of my MBTV career. And more than likely...will turn out to be my best.
Okay...let's recap: Ed begins and for some reason I think it's a damned commercial promoting the show so I'm not really paying close attention. The entire course of Ed's life is set up in two minutes. He's a hot-shot New York attorney who misplaced a comma in a five-hundred-page document. He apologizes to his bosses for misplacing the comma, and they fire him, saying it cost the firm $1.6 million. I once misplaced a comma on a term paper and the teacher gave me a D- instead of a D, so I can certainly relate to the situation. He feels bad, so he goes home to be comforted by his wife, whom he finds sitting on the bed in post-orgasmic bliss while a mailman gets dressed. Ed gets tipsy, starts rifling through old high school yearbooks, and sees Carol Vessey, his high school crush. He makes up his mind to go back home to Stuckeyville, look up Carol, and stalk her just like he did for four years in high school. He finds Carol, who is now a teacher at his old high school. Ed begins talking to her and soon finds out that Carol is dating Ed's favorite high school teacher, Mr. Nick Stanton. Somehow Ed and Carol wind up at the local bowling alley and before you know it, they're at "the pond" where high schoolers go to make out. They kiss an innocent kiss. The next day Ed, in true stalker fashion, buys the bowling alley where he and Carol hit it off the night before. He rushes to tell Carol he bought the bowling alley. Carol thinks he's insane. His friends think he's insane. The audience at home thinks he's insane. Ed has a long row to hoe if he thinks we (the viewing public) are going to accept his cute little idiosyncracies as anything but psychotic intentions.
Now...did I mention that ALL OF THIS takes place in two minutes? It's like the pilot episode of the show was all chewed up and then spat back out at you like Linda Blair coughing up a little Campbell's Chunky Pea Soup in rapid-fire fashion. It hits you full force and leaves you dazed and stinky.
The credits begin to roll as we (the viewing public) are told that it's now two weeks since that entire situation occurred. I take a little Dramamine to curb the dizzying effects in my tummy and my brain and hunker down to recap this baby.