Even though Phil is clueless, he's quickly emerged as my favorite character on the show. Because he obviously doesn't give a horse's turd who owns the bowling alley, he's going to spit all over the damned place whether they like it or not. Plus...I think Phil's a stoner. Don't ask me why. I can just tell these things.

Meanwhile, Carol and her best buddy Molly are walking into the school and discussing Ed and his charms. Molly is the typical television best friend: she's overweight and a wise-ass. She's there only for comedic relief, because no hot-shot New York lawyers ever drop everything to woo her. That's her life. She's happy with it, but you can tell that deep down, it hurts...it hurts the poor fat girl. Molly is trying to talk Carol into falling in love with Ed. She's dropping hints left and right to Carol: "Oh c'mon...you don't think he's cute??" "Oh Carol, you know he's a good guy." "Oh Carol, stalkers who obsess over high school crushes for decades are relatively harmless."

Carol and Molly split up once inside the school, and to prove to us (the viewing public) that Carol is the object of more than just two men's fancies, she's approached by a student who is clearly as infatuated with her as Ed is. This kid's name is Warren, and he's such a dweeb that he makes Don Knotts look macho. He initiates conversation with Carol by trying to get some after-school tutoring from her. She thinks he's requesting English lessons, while he's clearly thinking French. She finally agrees to meet him after school, and he promptly gets an erection which is never shown on camera, but I mean, c'mon...it's sooo obvious.

We go back to Ed just as he's introducing himself to his three new employees at the bowling alley. We've already met Phil, who has "Breakout Star" written all over him. We then meet Kenny, an older guy who is stumped when Ed wants to know a little bit about him. Kenny finally admits he has a whistling lung. At home, I do a spit take that would make Danny Thomas proud. The last employee is Shirley, a nervous little woman who admits to having a kitty named Kenny, but it's not named after her fellow employee Kenny, and she makes sure everyone in attendance understands that. Personally, I sensed a little sexual tension between Kenny and Shirley, which made me reach for some more Dramamine after accidentally drawing a mental picture of the two of them swapping sex juices.