Back at the bowling alley, Phil -- whose dream of free legal service to the masses has reached a whole new level of brilliance -- has been handing out flyers that read "Bowling For Justice." Just as Ed is beginning to reprimand Phil for pushing a stupid idea to new heights, Molly, Carol's dumpy best friend, walks into the bowling alley and asks Ed to represent her in a case. It seems that Molly took her car in for an air filter and oil change. When she went to pick up her car, the bill was $1,600 and the mechanics had installed the most awesome set of hydraulics seen outside the barrios of Southern California. When she and Ed get in the car and she cranks it up, it begins shaking like Roseanne and Tom Arnold were in the back seat doing the wild thang. Ed, desperately grasping at straws here, agrees to take on Molly's case and help her sue the mechanic if she'd just tell him...has Carol said anything about him? Molly tries to be gentle with Ed and talk him out of persuing Carol, but Ed is blinded by love. He decides that there's only one way to dazzle Carol :he has to make a complete ass of himself. ["More?" -- Wing Chun]
We then go to commercials. Pizza Hut has a new pizza...the Insider. The tag line? "We can put cheese in places you've never dreamed of." I have a feeling I'm going to be having nightmares of my ass being stuffed with cheese by angry Pizza Hut employees tonight.
And now...back to Ed.
Back inside the school, Warren the nerd has brought in some Jell-O letters that spell out "CAROL." To the naked eye, Warren is a bigger psycho than Ed, because Warren is still young and would probably shoot up a classroom to get Carol's attention. Ed just buys bowling alleys. Hence lies the difference be'twixt the two.
Carol's unimpressed with the Jell-O as most women in the free world would be, and tries to let Warren down gently. Warren obviously needs to be hit in the head with a skillet before he understands concepts like...oh...rejection. Once class begins, Carol asks who would like to read from Shakespeare's The Merchant of Venice. Warren volunteers and delivers a stunning performance that would leave jocks around the world no choice but to pummel the living shit out of him. Just as the jocks are strapping on their brass knuckles, Ed bursts through the door in a suit of armor and promptly begins accidently destroying her classroom in his awkward state. He's there to profess his love by making a total ass of himself. So now Carol has two bumbling idiots vying for her love at the same time. Rather than lead a much-needed beatdown of Warren, she excuses herself to the class and walks Ed to the front door of the school and once again rebukes his asinine advances. Ed's confused because of "the kiss." The kiss HAD to mean something. Carol says that the kiss was just a spur-of-the-moment thing and shouldn't be construed as anything more. And dammit Ed...I have a boyfriend...how many times do I have to tell you?!? Ed, who now has the self-esteem of a serial killer, slowly walks away from the school in his clunky armor.