We kick Ed off the same way we've kicked Ed off since the inception: with the pilot episode that was never aired edited down to a concise thirty-second recap. I, Brad F'n Pitt, mark this recap down in my notes the same way I've marked it down for the last few weeks: I scrawl "RECAP" on the top of the page and take one last swig of Robitussin before hunkering down for an hour of sophisticated hilarity.
The show breaks tradition and opens in Carol's kitchen rather than Mike and Nancy's. I frantically check the TV Guide to make sure that this is indeed Ed since every episode of Ed opens in Mike and Nancy's kitchen. The TV Guide puts my doubts to rest; this is indeed Ed. I take one more swig of Robitussin because I feel pretty stupid in doubting my instincts.
Carol is happily singing the Waffle Song, which is not nearly as annoying as "The Waffle House Song," a musical staple on every jukebox in every Waffle House nationwide. The evil Nick Stanton is sitting at the breakfast table, grading tests from his students and complaining that students today have epiphanies every day. Carol blames it on the evils of rock and roll that the kids are listening to these days. Her social commentary is ignored as Nick asks for a waffle. Carol, who looks like she's been enjoying a cocktail made of vodka and lithium, almost tosses the waffle to Nick like a frisbee. She catches herself, and instead places the waffle on a plate. There's some significance there, but for the life of me...I just don't catch it this early on in the show. Could be the Robitussin...could be a set-up for what's ahead...I haven't got a clue.
Over at the bowling alley, a beautiful woman by Stuckeyville standards walks in. In my opinion, she looked like Lara Flynn Boyle after she had done something drastic like eaten a hamburger. The woman walks up to Phil and asks for Ed Stevens. Phil says in his ultra-suave manner, "I'M Ed Stevens." My chuckling resembles the sound of a bad muffler on a '69 Plymouth station wagon. Ed walks up and announces that he's Ed Stevens. The woman introduces herself as Sela McKenzie and informs Ed that she needs a lawyer. Phil chimes in with, "What? Is someone suing you for being too beautiful?" Robitussin flies out of my nose. At least...I hope that was Robitussin...
Walking through the school yard, Carol is complaining to Molly and an unidentified woman (who could have been Nancy, but what in the hell would Nancy be doing hanging out with Molly and Carol?) that she was about to toss a waffle at Nick that morning but then stopped because she felt uncomfortable doing such a heinous act. Molly makes some wisecracks about Carol, but Carol is perturbed by this whole chain of waffle events. Carol stops, the camera zeroes in on her mug and she says, "I have to break up with Nick."