Pretty Girls And Waffles

Episode Report Card
A Waffle Upside The Head Means I Love You

This may sound strange to the average viewer at home, but I've done some extensive research and found out that over 82% of all relationships end over one of the participants not being comfortable enough to pelt their loved one with frozen breakfast foods on a whim. It's right up there with lack of communication and excessive farting.

We go to commercials. Commercials suck tonight. Nary a single one worth crapping on.

Back to Das Show. Ed and Molly are walking down the street where Molly is excitedly telling Ed about her latest creative endeavor to land a man: she has agreed to cast the school play with a new good-looking teacher at school. Ed feigns interest in her story until they run up on Carol and then he shifts into "Ignore Molly" mode in mere seconds. Molly asks Carol, "How's everything in Waffleland?" Ed wants to know what that meant. As a friend, a companion, a compadre, an amigo of Carol's, it is Ed's business to know what that last comment meant. Carol sighs and explains that she wanted to toss Nick a waffle at breakfast but didn't feel comfortable doing it, so she put it on a plate instead. Ed stands there. Finally he says, "Great story. I loved the part where you were going to throw the waffle at Nick but put it on a plate instead." At that very moment, I fall in love with Ed. This makes me the absolute last person in America to give into Ed's charms after three weeks of resisting them. I feel born-again, but not really.

In the doctor's office, Mike is seeing a patient that has always seen Dr. Jerome. The patient asks Mike if he's a male nurse. Mike says no and asks what's ailing the man. The man explains that he swallowed a moth after yawning at the wrong time. Mike asks him if he feels sick and the man just stares at him blankly before saying, "I think I'll wait for Dr. Jerome." This infuriates Mike on the inside because he's tired of nobody trusting him after two years of practice in Stuckeyville. But on the outside, he's cool as a cucumber. No...make that cool as an Icee. Wait...scratch that...he's as cool as a penguin's ass. Sorry. It's taking me a while to hit my stride tonight. Blame it on the Robitussin.

Back at the bowling alley, the good-looking woman is telling Ed that she was a secretary at Stuckeyville Motors. One payday, she received $95 extra in her pay check. The next payday...the same thing. This went on for almost a year. Rather than reporting the extra money to her boss, she kept cashing those bad boys in one-dollar bills and would spend her nights stuffing the G-strings of the overweight male dancers at the Stuckeyville Strip Club while nursing Long Island Teas. Phil walks into the office, excuses himself for the interuption and then gets right in Sela's face and moans, "You are SOOOO hot!!" Ed is shocked and exclaims "Phil!" Phil says "What?? That's my rap!"

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