Ed
Replacements

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Uncle Bob: D+ | Grade It Now!
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Where's Paul Westerberg When You Need Him?

Mike and Ed are eating at the snack bar. Ed's lamenting that there used to be nobody out there like him, but now he can kiss that goodbye since he's definitely replaceable. Mike thinks Ed's being dramatic, and Ed says that he's going to start fighting back and will kick Doogie's ass in court because that little punk picked the wrong guy to mess with. Mike asks, when he says "little punk," whether he's talking about Principal Jackass or Doogie. Ed swears he means Doogie but, you know, can you really trust Ed in circumstances like this? His pride has been hurt, and his penis has been put away for the year. Warren bursts in and says that he needs to learn how to wrestle, and quickly. Ed says he can't help him, and Warren's shocked because he's Ed, dammit; Ed can do anything. He can dole out advice and even serves as a father figure to Warren, without all the messy "Come sit on Daddy's lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up" crap that Warren's real dad does. Ed says that he can't help Warren out, but Mikey over here...Mikey used to wrestle. Mike proudly sticks out his chest and says that he did, in fact, wrestle in high school and was known as "Dr. Mike the Stuckeyville Dyke." Warren wants Mike to teach him some moves, and Mike agrees. Warren thanks Ed. Mike asks why Ed gets credit for this, and Warren, fumbling for words, says, "Because he's Ed!" Which may also explain why he doesn't get laid, why his law practice is being copied, and why his toilet is constantly stopped up.

Ed's walking down the street and approaches Mr. Frawley, who is not only the owner of Frawley's Donut Shoppe (which Ed thinks was a stroke of marketing genius, adding the "pe" to the end of "Shop"), but also the guy getting sued by the leaf-raking Mr. Hector. Ed says he'd like to represent Frawley. Frawley says no, that the case is for $112, and Ed has to be the least effective ambulance chaser Frawley's ever encountered. He says he'll be representing himself. Ed says that only fools represent themselves, but then quickly adds that he doesn't think Frawley is a fool. He offers to take the case pro bono, but Frawley won't budge. He offers to pay Frawley $50 to let him represent him in the case. Frawley asks whether this is one of those Fonzie schemes, and Ed says it isn't. Frawley agrees to let Ed represent him for $50, and then asks how much Ed will pay Frawley to draft his will. Ed feels like an idiot, which is pretty much par for the course in this episode.

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Ed

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