Ed
Replacements

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Uncle Bob: D+ | Grade It Now!
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Where's Paul Westerberg When You Need Him?

Carol and Molly are cruising down the street; once again, Carol's talking non-stop about Principal Jackass. Christ. Even Rain Man gave Judge Wapner a break every now and then. Carol's telling Molly that Jackass exploded with veins popping out of his neck and everything. Carol wants to know what his deal is; Molly says that she doesn't know, and that Carol goes into his office a whole lot more often than Molly does. Carol says that he's an enigma, and she wants to know why he got fired. My Gawd, I'm getting tired of this. This is all Carol's been talking about the entire episode, and I'm about to blow my brains out if she doesn't find something else to obsess over. Molly finally states the obvious, telling Carol that she's in love with him. Naturally, Carol scoffs at Molly's suggestion and denies it like a little girl accused of cutting the hair off her kid sister's Barbie doll. Molly points out that Carol likes men who are broken so that she can swoop in and fix them. Molly insists that Carol's obsessed with Principal Jackass, while Carol says she's merely intrigued. Yeah, Carol. The idea of me being the meat in a Denise Richards and Tara Reid sandwich "intrigues" me, too.

Back in the principal's office. Sonofabitch. This is really getting old, so I go pop some popcorn and wait for the scene to be over with. Basically, Jackass tells Carol that they've reached a new understanding, and that she's supposed to be leaving him alone. She says that he's determined to push everyone away from him, and that she's not going for it. My popcorn begins to pop. Carol says that Jackass is not a bad guy, and he says she doesn't know him. She says that she saw happy pictures of him on the internet, and that she could see his compassion in those pictures. My popcorn bag is growing. Carol says that she can tell Jackass is not really a bad person -- that he's just pretending -- and she wants to know what happened in Massachusetts. Why was he fired? He doesn't answer her. She says that she's having a party, and if he wants to come, he's more than welcome. He tells her that he doesn't socialize with the staff, and she tells him just to "keep pretending," as she leaves his office with a smile. I salt my popcorn. My God, a few weeks ago it was Molly being a pushy nagging bitch and this week it's Carol. Gosh, it's no wonder neither one of them can hold onto a man. Christ. I'm getting sick of this "Natural Light" popcorn shit. I need to hurry up and shed these last sixty pounds so I can start eating what I want again.

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