Molly and Ed are cruising down the street, as Ed complains about Carol and her constant description of Principal Jackass as a "mystery." A principal is not a mystery; The Hound of the Baskervilles, now that was a mystery. Ed asks Molly what a Baskerville is, and she says she's not exactly sure. Carol hooks up with them to complete their semi-weekly "Meeting On The Street," and immediately starts talking about what a mystery Jackass is. Molly sniggles and Ed almost loses it. Ed wants to know whether Jackass was possibly a pirate or a bootlegger, because Carol's convinced he's such a mystery. Ed wants to do a background check on Señor Jackass to soothe Carol's frayed nerves, and suggests they conduct the check on the internet, where you can find out anything about anyone. For instance, did you guys know that Uncle Bob likes covering himself in whipped cream and then slithering into ladies' lingerie? No? Well, if you bothered to read sites other than Mighty Big TV, maybe that wouldn't be such a shock, now, would it? Carol wants to know whether lurking about the net and finding stuff out about people is against the law, and Ed says that if it were, we'd all be in prison! Ba ha ha ha ha haa! He didn't really say that; that was just one of the witty asides that I enjoy putting in my recaps in order to confuse the more dimwitted readers out there! Isn't that a scream? Actually, Ed sets up a date with Carol after school, when they'll find out over the internet every single crime this scoundrel has ever been party to. Molly asks Carol what a Baskerville is and she says she thinks it's some type of hat. That's the kind of line that the writers think can pass as humor this week.
Shirley busts all up in Ed's office and tells Ed and Doogie that Mr. Hector is here to see Ed. Ed tells Shirley to send him in, whereupon Shirley asks Ed in front of the Doogmeister why Ed never calls her "Shirl." Shirley points out that Laverne always called Shirley "Shirl," so why doesn't Ed call her "Shirl"? Ed is at a loss for words, but still manages to blurt, "Send him in, Shirl." Shirley gets a teeny weeny look of happiness on her face, and then ushers the guy in. Doogie loves the interaction between Ed and Shirley, calling Shirley "quirky as all get-out." It's been a while since I read the dictionary, but when did they change the meaning of "quirky" to "borderline psychotic"? Mr. Hector is shown into the office, and greetings are exchanged. Hector says that his neighbor has a big tree in his yard. A bunch of leaves from that tree have fallen into Hector's yard; he cleaned them up and now he wants $112 to pay for it. Ed rests a baseball bat on his shoulder as he listens intently. Doogie takes notes. This should come into play later. Could be a red herring, but I don't think so; baseball bats on shoulders -- that's some pretty serious stuff. Doogie blurts that this is home-spun justice at its finest. He apologizes immediately for being so damned chipper and cheerful. Ed tells Hector that he's got himself a lawyer, and Doogie turns to Hector and says, "Isn't he great?" As God as my witness, if they don't hurry up and give me a scene with Warren, I'm going to kick in my television set.