Episode Report Card
Uncle Bob: D+ | Grade It Now!
Where's Paul Westerberg When You Need Him?

Out in the alley, Shirley is telling Ed that Mr. Hector called and won't be requiring Ed's services after all. Showing impeccable timing, Phil bops into the scene and holds up one of the flyers Doogie has been hanging up all over town, proclaiming himself as the best bowling-alley lawyer in the tri-state area. Ed gets a look on his face like he wants to take a spiked baseball bat and beat Doogie's calves with it. Either that, or he's gotta crap. The look went by so quickly that I didn't get the chance to analyze it very well.

Commercials. That Subway commercial comes on where the overly friendly guy walks up to a couple of basketball players and asks them if they want something "big" to eat. This has got to be the most homoerotic commercial on television. You know, now that the old lady from the Old Navy commercials is dead.

At yet another impromptu teacher's meeting, Carol has the floor and is announcing that she's having second thoughts about the Jackass. She says that she did some research, and there's more to Dennis than meets the eye. And although this may not excuse his rude behavior ever since he walked through the school doors, finding out that he's a good guy deep down really turns her on, and she hasn't been thoroughly duck sauced since her old flame Nick left town, so maybe she can get all cozy with the new principal and paddle his ping-pong balls if you get my drift. Naturally, she doesn't really say any of this, but man, those eyes tell the story of the sexually frustrated teacher and her throbbing wanton desires. Or maybe she's cock-eyed. I can't really tell the difference. Basically, she wants to give the guy another chance until he gets out of his funk and goes back to being the guy she found on the internet. Howard wants to go on record as saying that he has his doubts about this, and Carol makes a note of Howard's doubts. Carol wants that principal in the worst way. It's way too obvious. She wants to cover him in honey, make him put on some leather chaps, and ride him around the back yard like a bucking bronco. And then probably even have sex with him or something.

In the gym, the coach is gathering up his wrestling team when Warren walks in wearing a WWF Dudleyville t-shirt and hollering, "Let's get it on! Woooo!". He takes a seat next to another kid and, to break the ice, asks the kid what his wrestling persona is going to be. The kid's confused. Warren says that he's going to be an English gentleman and come out in a top hat with a frilly shirt and say things like, "I say, Gov'nur...would you fancy yourself a spot of tea before I KICK YOUR BLOODY ARSE?!" The other kid just stares at Warren, incredulous that there are can be that many nerd genes in a single body. Warren offers the kid some Energy Gel, which apparently boosts your adrenaline. The kid declines and tries to get the coach's attention. The coach shrugs and says Warren's 152, so there's not much they can do about it. They need his scrawny nerdy ass there to fill out the team. Maybe it's just me, but does anyone else get the feeling that Warren's going to be served up like a hot leather shoe at a homeless family's Thanksgiving?

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