Ed
Replacements

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Where's Paul Westerberg When You Need Him?

Ed's playing with some of those...ummmm...clacking balls in his office while Shirley knits a giant mitten, because it's hard to be depressed when you look at a giant mitten. Phil runs in and turns the television to the local news, which is reporting on Doogie being the World's First Bowling-Alley Lawyer at Ketchum Lanes. Doogie is being interviewed, and says that if he can make people happy by solving their problems, then it makes him happy. The piece paints him positively, and Ed is borderline furious. Phil asks him what he's going to do, and Ed says he doesn't know. Phil thinks he should take a large angry monkey and let it loose in Ketchum Lanes. Before that plan can be sprung into action, Carol runs in and announces that the reason the Jackass is so cold is because he was FIRED (!!) from his last job. She had been busy looking through several periodicals, and found out that he had been fired, but couldn't find anything explaining why. Carol waxes rhapsodic about her "mystery man" while Ed looks dazed. She asks what Ed's deal is, and he replies, "I'm being replaced." Uh huh. But is he talking about his work life...or his non-existant looooove life?

Commercials. Leslie Nielsen is a telemarketer now. This really struck me as being sad until I found out Charles Nelson Reilly was now an aging lower Hollywood male whore. Then I felt kinda relieved for Leslie. Key word being "kinda."

Warren is in line with the other wrestlers during their weigh-in. He's telling the guy behind him -- the one he'd told about his English gentleman persona earlier -- that he may have heard of the half nelson and the full nelson, but Warren's developing the 5/8th nelson. He assures the other wrestler, "You'll hear about it." Warren gets weighed, and he's right at 152 lbs. He tells the coach that he'll see him at the wrap party and begins walking away, yelling "Go Toreadors!" to show his school spirit. The next guy on the scale -- a fairly muscular bruiser -- also weighs in at 152. He smirks and tells the coach that he "thought he'd move down into another weight class" this year. Warren can't believe this, and turns around to make sure that he heard right. Warren makes sure the guy has both feet on the scale and says the scale needs to be calibrated. The coach announces that there will be a wrestle-off between Cheswick and Pellechia to see which one makes the team at 152 lbs. Warren is yelling, "Calibration!" but everyone ignores him. I smell a rather severe ass-kicking being hand-delivered to one Mr. Warren G. Cheswick later in this shindig.

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Ed

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