Small Town Guys

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Uncle Bob: A | Grade It Now!
Small Town Guys

In Mike's office, George Michael's "Freedom" is playing while Nancy helps Mike pack his stuff up in boxes. Nancy's dancing to the music. Dancing. Dancing. Dancing. By sheer instinct, I start pinching my nipples and drooling, dropping my pen to the floor as I stare blankly at the screen. Suddenly, Dr. Jerome bursts into the room and I feel like a dirty, dirty boy. I snap out of my hypnotic state, pick the pen back up, and resume scribbling notes at a furious pace. Jerome asks them what they're doing; Nancy gets in Jerome's face and says something to the effect that she's helping Mike get the hell out of this office. If I had been Jerome, it would have taken every inch of will power I had to not spin Nancy around by the shoulders and bend her over an examining table and get a better look at her butt in those tight jeans. My God. This gal has got it goin' on and a bag of chips. Jerome tells Mike that he can't leave because he signed a contract to work for two more years or until Jerome retires. Jerome leaves, and Nancy says that he can't possibly abide by that contract. Mike says Jerome can make Mike stay...but he won't want to. Ah! The plot thickens! Kinda like my pee-pee every time Nancy gets some air time.

At school, Warren spots Jessica and a friend whose name I didn't catch, so we'll just call her "Snippy Little High School Bitch." Warren wants to introduce them to Mr. Belly; he pulls up his shirt and shows them a huge face he's drawn all over his torso with lipstick and Magic Markers. He makes Mr. Belly talk in a high voice, saying he comes from the land of bellies. This has Jessica and Snippy Little High School Bitch cracking up like it was something those morons would do on Whose Line Is It Anyway? They leave, giggling, and Warren considers his latest stab at Class Clowndom a wild success. He spots Diane staring at him with disgust. He triumphantly saunters over to her and says that his class clown act seems to be working better than her "ignore Jessica" tactics. Diane does a slow burn, because she wanted Warren all to herself, and now he's actually starting to work his way into Jessica's icy cold heart.

Dr. Jerome is with a patient when Mike walks in, asking what they taught Jerome in med school back in 1906, and how much Jerome's Tic Tac-sized brain retained. Jerome is about to short-circuit with anger. He tells Mike to leave at once. Mike doesn't leave, and asks who in the room is operating with a thirty-year-old handbook; he then suggests that it's Jerome. Mike leans into Jerome's patient's face and tells him that he's being treated by a ninety-six-year-old squid, and that Mike has two words for the patient: "Second opinion." Jerome tells Mike again to get out of the room, and Mike leaves with Jerome hot on his trail. Jerome says he knows what Mike's doing, and that it's not going to work. Mike says that he's noticing that Jerome is a tiny little man, and that Mike can see the top of his head from where he stands. Jerome says he will keep Mike at that practice until he decays. Mike asks if Jerome's ever considered Rogaine. Jerome storms off, and Mike says, "Later, Tiny!" Which, as a matter of fact, was my nickname on my high school football team. Originally, it was "Mad Dog," until after the first practice when we all showered afterwards. Then it was changed to "Tiny." I never knew why. People are strange with their selection of nicknames, I guess.

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