Ed
Small Town Guys

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Uncle Bob: A | Grade It Now!
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Small Town Guys

Ed and Siringo meet in Ed's office. Siringo is talking about how great a small town Stuckeyville is: "Norman Rockwell, grab a brush!" Ed tells Siringo that they can't string Bob along. The man doesn't have the money for this kind of protracted court battle, besides which he just wants it all to be over with, and for it to go away. So the best thing to do is to admit the evidence that Jo Ann humiliated Bob first, and let the case be won. Siringo disagrees, and tells Ed that they can make a big difference in the lives of people across the globe if they take this case all the way to the Supreme Court. They argue a bit, and Siringo tells Ed to withdraw from the case, since Siringo's the one who brought down the big tobacco companies. Ed reminds Siringo that Bob came to him, not to Siringo. We obviously have a couple of hard-headed lawyers here butting heads over the best interests of a client. This reeks of The Practice and you really don't wanna get me started on my hatred for The Practice right now. I'm liable to get all John Walker on your ass.

Dr. Jerome is sitting in his office when Mike walks in. Mike asks for a moment of Jerome's time; Jerome is wary of the shenanigans Mike wants to pull. I think Jerome fully expects Mike to toss a bag full of roadkill on his desk. Mike admits that he was going to come in here to keep their little war going, but that he doesn't want things between them to end that way. He tells Jerome that he's a nasty bitter man...but that he's also seen things in that office that he admired. Jerome has taken care of an entire town for several decades. Mike admits that it's been a privilege to work there alongside Jerome. So Mike tells him that the war is over, and that he's decided to stay there. Now, just how difficult things stay between them is up to Dr. Jerome. Jerome is perplexed, and still has his hands protecting his face from any errant roadkill parts flying through the air.

Warren walks up to Jessica at her locker. Jessica admits that when Warren dressed up as Carol, it had to be the funniest thing she's ever seen, and that he was awesome. Warren fights the urge to unzip his pants and show her the real funniest thing she'll ever see. Jessica says that Warren is really funny; then she kinda stares at him with lust in her eyes. Warren blurts, "Let's go to Starbucks after school." Jessica's face gives new meaning to the word "glum" as she says she's got stuff to do, and is sorry but she can't go with him. I'm betting she has cartoons to watch or something equally trivial. Warren turns from class clown/playboy back to stuttering geek in a matter of seconds. "That's cool," he stammers. "I've got to help my uncle build a log cabin today, anyway." He tells her they can do it some other time as she walks away from the creep. Diane skips into the scene, wondering in how many languages she can say "I told you so." Warren says he doesn't get it: in every single Playboy Playmates portfolio, they all say they like a man with a sense of humor. Diane has a simple explanation for that: they're all lying. She tried to tell him that the clown never gets the girl. Hallelujah, Diane. Nearly every day of my senior year, ol' Uncle Bob showed up to school in a ballet tutu and slippers. I got laid a total of zero times. Looking back, it's a shame I was never into S&M because I did manage to get my ass kicked several hundred times that year.

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