Ed
Something Old, Something New

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Uncle Bob: D | Grade It Now!
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Gobble, Gobble, We Accept You, We Accept You, One Of Us

Ed brings up the fact once again that Thanksgiving is all about traditions. This much foreshadowing this early into the episode makes me think that the episode is going to be about traditions. It's that kinda thinking process that propelled me into the top 89 percent of my senior class. Ed brings up the halftime cannon at the Stuckeyville High Homecoming game...and of course the ultimate Thanksgiving tradition...Skid Ball! Skid Ball is basically a bunch of idiots watering down the school's football field and playing football in the mud, skidding all around the turf. The words "Skid Ball" prompt Nancy to bellow in a low octave the words "SKID BALL!" over and over until it instinctively made me slap my TV screen.

In Ed's office, the ultimate nerd and his mother walk in and introduce themselves. It's Gavin Trabull, Stuckeyville's resident dweeb. It seems Gavin and some of his geeky nerd high-school friends broke into a man's lake house to experiment with alcohol on Halloween night. The only problem being, the house was booby-trapped with a catapult, and Gavin had his shoulder dislocated by a flying cantaloupe. Ed is shocked because he used to do the exact same thing; in fact, he and his buddies broke into the exact same house.

Blimey...it's a Stuckeyville TRADITION. Who saw THAT one coming?

Gavin just wants to sue for medical expenses. Ed agrees to take the case. Gavin says, "Thank you, Mr. Stevens." Ed says, "Call me Ed." The kid says, "I'd prefer not to."

Phil, Shirley, and Kenny burst through the bowling alley's front door, each carrying frozen turkeys under their arms. Phil asks Ed if he can borrow $500, and then goes down a list of every slang word for money that there is, and quite a few new ones. I've never heard money referred to as "Jack Trippers," so I'm assuming that's a new one. Ed would like to know why Phil needs $500. Phil has decided that he's getting into the Fine Corinthian Turkeys business. As America scratches its collective head and wonders aloud if our sweetheart Phil has lost it, Phil explains the concept of Fine Corinthian Turkeys. They're regular frozen turkeys, repackaged and repriced as Fine Corinthian Turkeys. Phil can smell the millions of Jack Trippers just rolling in. Ed asks how he plans on getting rich selling repackaged turkeys. Phil corrects him: "I'm not selling turkeys...I'm selling dreams."

Carol and Ed are then walking down a street. Ed asks about Gavin Trabull, and Carol admits that he's an odd cookie. Ed tells Carol the story of Gavin and his lawsuit, and Carol calls the contraption that hurt Gavin a "cantapult." They then talk about Halloweens past, and Ed admits that he still remembers the time in high school when Carol dressed up as the Catwoman at one of the Halloween parties. He remembers the details of her costume. Carol can't decide if this is totally adorable or totally creepy. Ed tells Carol that thoughts of her in her Catwoman suit got him and his buddies through most of the winter, insinuating that they masturbated while fantasizing about her. Carol admits that statement tipped the scale toward totally creepy. Ed asks what she's doing for Thanksgiving. Carol says she's going to be alone and actually looking forward to it.

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Ed

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