Ed
The Music Box

Episode Report Card
Uncle Bob: D+ | Grade It Now!
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Young Edward J. Stevens Finally Becomes A Man

Inside Bonnie's office, people are lined up to sell their soul to her. I mean...Ed brings Bonnie some beef jerky to celebrate the fact that they made it through their first date without killing each other. Alas, there's a hidden reason behind the visit. With Carol's precious music box being stolen, Ed solicits Bonnie's help in tracking down the culprit behind this heinous act, since the police are too busy having doughnut-eating contests. Bonnie thinks Carol sounds familiar. Ed tries to paint a picture: "Average height, good teeth." Naturally, he conveniently leaves out "stunningly beautiful and the woman that I had a bad case of the hornies for before your hot ass sauntered into Stuckeyville." Bonnie remembers that she ran into Carol coming out of Ed's office one day and admits that she's cute. Ed is clearly squirming in his seat, having to talk about Carol in front of Bonnie. And, of course, Bonnie is relishing Ed's uncomfortableness, if in fact "uncomfortableness" is a word. "I'll help you with the case of the missing music box," Bonnie assures Ed. I'm no Rhodes scholar, but I've got a feeling Bonnie has something more up her sleeve than just "helping" out Carol. As Ed leaves her office, he suggests that Bonnie tear into her beef jerky. Bonnie admits she's a vegetarian and won't be eating his lovely gift. Okay, right there -- that's reason enough for me to run away screaming. If a woman won't eat meat, she's usually very picky about damned near anything else she puts into her mouth. I speak from experience: guys do NOT date or marry a vegetarian. She will make you pull a Hugh Grant faster than you can say "hummer."

At the bowling alley, Phil is handing out shoes -- one size eight and one size eleven to two identical twins. It's a sight gag that flops miserably and isn't worth delving into here, except that the twins might be fantasy fodder if not for the insane grins plastered across their mugs. Tim, Jessica, and Steve walk up to the counter and want to sign up their team for the bowling league. Phil, who must be having trouble making ends meet on a bowling alley manager's salary, is fishing for some payola from the teens as he says, "It would take someone like Ben Franklin to get your team signed up for League Night." Tim asks, "Why would Benjamin Franklin need to help us? He's dead." Now I get it. Tim's a clueless jock. I sure hope the writers beat us over the head with that fact several hundred more times. Phil drops two more Benjamin Franklin references and Tim finally asks what is up with Ben Franklin. Phil figures out that his not-so-subtle hints are not worth the effort and these morons are not going to be coughing up some bribe bucks, so he signs them up. He asks the name of their team and it's The Whatevers. Phil's impressed with the moniker and says it's very nice...very...detached.

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