Phil, Kenny, and Shirley enter the local hardware store and track down Mr. Shaker, the owner of the store. Phil does all the talking and passes himself off as a representative of Stubbs, Sandusky, and...as it turns out, he doesn't know Shirley's last name. Shirley squeaks out "Fifko," and Phil finishes the line, in what was probably the funniest moment of the show this week. Phil informs Shaker that they are a parade planning company, having planned parades around the world, including the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. Their company has done some research and discovered that Stuckeyville is an excellent town for a parade. Shaker says he doesn't want to participate in a parade because the economy stinks ever since the whores left town, and that Stubbs, Sandusky, and Fifko will have a tough time doing a parade in Stuckeyville. It's a sad day in Stuckeyville when a scene with all three of the bowling-alley staff can't generate an honest chuckle. Suddenly, the idea of watching Ed with the sound off while Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon plays on my stereo doesn't sound as bad as it originally did.
Ed's in his office when Carol floats in. Ed's called her there to ask her some questions about Jackass's wreck. Carol agrees to answer them. Ed asks whether she witnessed the wreck, and she says she did. He asks her to tell him what happened, so she tells her side of the story -- basically the same side the Jackass already told Ed. Ed asks whether there was any alcohol involved; Carol says that they just ran into each other at the Pie Shop, and then Jackass got into his car and wrecked. No alcohol. He just tapped the other car; it was nothing serious. Carol notices that Ed's reading a book about pilgrims, and he says that their lives sucked and really got tough once they reached the new world. I haven't been a witness to this much mindless chit-chat since last Christmas, when my in-laws came over for dinner and wanted to discuss the advantages of scotch tape over glue.