The next day, we're back at the Farmer's Market, where Mike's helping Nancy carry her cookies to her booth. They discover that somebody has ruined her beautiful sign. Nancy gets all Rambo and wants to kick some Cookie-Mom ass while Mike wants to know what type of person would do such a thing. Nancy explains that the Cookie Moms are creepy backstabbers who are jealous of her and her cookies. Nancy asks Mike what she can do, short of grabbing an Uzi and shooting some Cookie Moms executioner-style. Mike suggests making them a cookie they can't refuse. That's about as funny as Grandma falling down the steps. Okay...it's not nearly that funny.
Ed and Chet are walking into Chet's office, where Chet is babbling new-age-style about throwing rocks at eggs or some shit like that. I get the feeling that the writers thought all of this might be funny, but it's not. It's painfully lame. Ed says he's there to negotiate and Chet says great...then asks for a moment. He gets up, goes behind one of those partitions the Japanese are so fond of, and comes back out with his shirt off. Ed starts to freak out as Chet explains that taking one's shirt off during negotiations is a gesture of openness. It's also a desperate opportunity to mine laughs out of Elliott's flabby, pale belly. Chet suggests they begin the negotiations, and then grows quiet. Ed finally speaks, and Chet interupts, calling Ed a loser. He says that he who speaks first in negotiations loses. His entire dialogue has sounded like bad fortune-cookie fortunes. Ed says it's more than Chet deserves, but Ed's willing to pay $1,500. Chet rejects the offer. Ed offers five grand, and gets up to leave. Chet smells fear, and Ed swears he's not scared of Chet. Chet rejects the $5000 offer. Ed says he's walking out the door with the $5000 offer. It takes Ed a while to get out the door as he plays the "I'm leaving! I'm closing the door! Once I walk out, I'm not coming back!" card. Chet sits there and meditates. Ed closes the door, then reopens it saying that Chet wins, and Ed will get him a check for ten grand the next day. Chet says that the offer's rejected and that there's a new offer: $15,000 dollars. Ed about goes ballistic and says that Chet will see him in court. Chet smiles. I've never hated Chris Elliott and I still don't. I just hate the writers of this show with a passion I usually reserve for Céline Dion duets.