The New World

Episode Report Card
Uncle Bob: F | Grade It Now!
Mommy, Why's The Principal Vomiting in a Trash Can?

The Stuckeyville Thanksgiving Parade is in full swing when Drunk-Ass finds Carol in the crowd to tell her that he's staying in town. Carol says that's nice, and that maybe they can celebrate with a bottle of Mad Dog 20/20 later. Drunk-Ass says that Ed saved his arse, and Carol agrees that Ed's good at doing that. Nancy's driving a car full of cookies, and telling everyone over a loudspeaker to come get all the cookies they can, for free; they're the best darned cookies in Stuckeyville, and why pay for them when you can get them for free? The scene quickly goes to the Cookie Sluts at the Farmer's Market, who can't understand where everyone's at, since this is usually the biggest day of the year for their cookie sales. Back at the parade, Mike and Ed are walking down the street dressed as pilgrims. Mike feels ridiculous, and Ed says that sometimes you have to make your own fun. He's glad that Stuckeyville is like the pilgrims, in that they choose to be happy. He then spots Carol and Drunk-Ass; Carol's pounding on Drunk-Ass 's chest as he lies unconscious in the gutter after a particularly potent batch of moonshine. Actually, they're standing there looking happy and sober, but c'mon...wouldn't the principal lying face-down in the gutter be funnier?! Ed stares at them for a second as Mike tells Ed to choose to be happy. Mike asks Ed whether that's what he chooses, and Ed smiles and says yes...he'll choose to be happy. He announces that he and Mike are headed to the New World as the strains of "God Bless America" pour out of my TV's speakers, and the screen fades to black.

All right. Don't get me wrong. I love Ed. Yes, I'm one of the few recappers on MBTV who actually likes the show he's asked to recap. It's a cute show without being too cute. It's quirky, the acting is great, the writing is superb, and the chicks are hot.

So...is it just me or has Ed developed a suck factor? For about three or four episodes now, the shows have steadily gotten more and more boring, with usually one subplot saving the day and making me a happy camper. Yet this week, even that one subplot is missing. It's now become a game of "How Can We Keep Ed and Carol Apart And Still Keep The Show Interesting?" for the writers.

The envelope please. Ladies and gentlemen, the answer is...YOU CAN'T.

For God's sake, writers, go out on a limb and let Ed and Carol be together! Let them be a couple! Yes, it's an unwritten law that the two major characters of a show aren't supposed to get together, because it spells impending doom for the show. But that was in the '80s and '90s. This is almost 2002. The two of them can get into a whole host of couple difficulties -- meeting the parents, wacky picnics, chronic impotence, the list goes on and on. I urge the writers of the show -- or at least a certain casting director who I know reads these recaps and keeps in contact with the producers -- be pioneers and let Ed and Carol get together. The fans of the show will not turn our backs on Ed, and will, in fact, embrace it with glee. The days of the two of them chasing each other need to end. That plotline is boring now. Take a gamble and be the first show to buck the trend of the "main characters becoming a couple" jinx.

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