Carol's in her classroom when Jackass walks by. "I see you're hard at work," Jackass says. "I see you're hard," Carol counters, gesturing toward Jackass's groin. Sheesh. Whatta whore. She informs Jackass that the moment he leaves, she's gone. He says he'll see her tomorrow. He makes to leave, and she says that this is different; usually when he pokes his head into her office, he's yelling. Jackass asks whether she wants him to yell, and she says that she likes it this way. Throughout this entire episode, we've witnessed a kinder, gentler Jackass. He's gone from being the most callous asshole in Stuckeyville to giving Ed a serious run for his money as Mr. Congeniality. All because of a kiss. I get the feeling that if Carol Vessey grabbed me and planted one on my puss, I'd do little more than get hungry for some tuna.
Shirley walks into Ed's office, silently chewing something. It takes her a while to finish chewing, and then she swallows and announces that she was "finishing her stew." Shirley then announces that Jackass is in the how-wouse, adding that she could eat stew seven nights out of the week, but she doesn't. Ed's as impressed by Shirley as your average dog is by the theory of evolution. Jackass comes in, and Ed tells him that this Chet guy is totally unreasonable. Ed thought he could take care of it, but he's having a bit of trouble. Jackass lets Ed know that he will not be going to court over something like this. Ed asks why not, and Jackass says he doesn't want to. Ed tells him that he has no choice; this guy won't settle, so they'll have to go to court to get off the hook. Jackass tells Ed to tell the lawyer that he'll pay the ten grand. Ed asks Jackass why he's so afraid to go to court; he wants to know what's going on. Jackass won't divulge the all-important info, and tells Ed that he will have the check for him tomorrow. This has to be something big...big, I'm telling you! I bet that he's either a Russian spy, trying to steal Stuckeyville's secrets on how it became such an offbeat burg, or that he's Cameron Crowe in heavy makeup and costume and has infiltrated Stuckeyville to write a movie about the town. I'm usually right with my predictions, so I'd suggest you pick one or the other now and jump on the Uncle Bob bandwagon right now.
The next day, we're back at the Farmer's Market, where Mike's helping Nancy carry her cookies to her booth. They discover that somebody has ruined her beautiful sign. Nancy gets all Rambo and wants to kick some Cookie-Mom ass while Mike wants to know what type of person would do such a thing. Nancy explains that the Cookie Moms are creepy backstabbers who are jealous of her and her cookies. Nancy asks Mike what she can do, short of grabbing an Uzi and shooting some Cookie Moms executioner-style. Mike suggests making them a cookie they can't refuse. That's about as funny as Grandma falling down the steps. Okay...it's not nearly that funny.