Previously on Ed: Molly gets screwed. Both literally and figuratively. She starts bangin' some bowling ball salesman and falls in love with the guy, who seems perfect in every way. The only problem is his wife feels the same way about him. Molly breaks up with the guy when she finds out he's married, and is currently nursing a broken heart and several gin and tonics on a nightly basis. Yes, Molly's a raging alcoholic. Of course, this is never shown, hinted at, or implied in the show, but trust me...nothing fuels binge drinking like finding out the person you're humping is leading a double life and you're the reason for it.
We crack open this nut of a show with Ed and Mike walking through the streets of Stuckeyville like a pair of vagabond weasels. I should clarify...a pair of vagabond talking weasels because as we all know vagabond weasels can't talk, and Ed and Mike can gab more than four old biddies playing bridge for six hours straight. Ed's wearing some comfortable pants and wants Mike to know they're comfortable. Ed says that he feels when you find comfortable pants, you should buy two dozen pairs and you're done; you have pants for life. Mike notes that this is true unless your ass becomes the size of Montana, which is a thinly veiled shout-out to yours truly, which I would rather not acknowledge at this point. Mike asks Ed if he's coming to the big Stuckeyville basketball team reunion and Ed doesn't know if he will be attending or not. Mike asks him if it's because of "the shot." Ed doesn't know what he's talking about. Apparently, during the state championship game, Ed missed a shot that cost the team the state championship. Ed begins whining and asking why nobody can remember that he scored twenty-one points in that game; all anybody remembers is that he flushed every hope and dream of every single person in Stuckeyville down the proverbial toilet with that one single shot. Mike says that a goat is a goat is a goat is a goat. Ed asks if Mike's calling him a goat. Mike says that he doesn't know and then says, "Bahhhhhhh...bahhhhhhh" like a sheep. Ed's slightly offended, but then remembers that this good-natured chiding is coming from a known sexual harasser, and drops the subject as the opening credits start.
I would now like to print the words to the theme song as I know them. They are as follows: "When it's my moment in the sun. Oh how beautiful I'll..." and that's all I've ever heard because I usually am banging my head against a wall repeatedly at that point until I knock myself semi-unconscious trying to get that guy's horrific voice out of my skull.