Ed
Ed

Episode Report Card
Uncle Bob: F | 559 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
The Choke Artist Returns

Back at her house, Molly's sobbing like a shark's ripping her legs to shreds. The doorbell rings and a gorilla is standing there with a GorillaGram. The gorilla places a boom box on the table and out blasts the karaoke version of "YMCA." The gorilla starts singing about how Jim's a special guy, but she did the right thing and he's got a wife and she left him high and dry and a buncha crap that's supposed to make her feel better but man...I just don't get it. I'd be beating the crap outta the gorilla for even bringing up the sore subject. The gorilla removes its head and it's...Ed. Naturally. They hug and Molly asks if he shouldn't be at the gymnasium right now. Ed says yeah and he's got to be skedaddling but he had time to come over and cheer up his buddy and that was pretty important. Dammit. Let 'em kiss. Let Ed and Molly just get it ONNNN. Let them be a visual interpretation of a Marvin Gaye tune. These two horndogs deserve it.

So Shirley's at the alley and Frankenhomie walks up. They don't say a word to each other as usual. Finally, Frankie speaks up and hits her with the icebreaker of all icebreakers: "How you doin'?" Shirley responds with "Itchy." Frankie walks away, and Shirley beams because she finally said something. Kenny and Phil are watching and Kenny asks Phil, "How cute was that?" Phil gives it a seven...cuter than a chimp wearing overalls but not as cute as a hobo mouse with all its belonging tied to a stick. Me? I'd give it a six...cuter than a naked baby urinating on a VCR but not as cute as the baby getting electrocuted in the process.

Ed and Molly are sipping tea. Ed's STILL bitching about Richard Reid. Molly asks, "The shoe bomber?" and Ed says no, the guy that scored the winning goal in that game fifteen years ago that even people who don't watch Ed are getting sick of hearing about. Molly starts babbling about how when you cut open a tree and it's got all these rings inside and how you can look at those rings and see how some of the years were good ones and some were bad ones but they're all rings and the rings make up the trees. Ed says that Richard Reid has no bad rings in his tree and he never misses foul shots or sees his lover with her husband in a park and never breaks down and has to eat an entire rib roast to soothe his nerves. They talk about trees some more, really fast and really boring. My God. I rewound the tape several times to listen to it over and over again and it's the most nonsensical analogy to life that I've ever heard. I cannot bring myself to transcribe it here. I apologize. If this offends you in anyway, for chrissakes....you aren't missing much. Trust me.

Ed

Comments

SHARE THE SNARK

X

Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP