Commercials. The Scorpion King is the biggest box-office smash ever to open in the month of April during a full moon while the country was engaged in a war. Man. Movies today are desperately seeking any kind of recognition in order to hype themselves. Next week, I'm sure the new Angelina Jolie film will be billed as the biggest box office smash to ever open in the last week of April starring a big-lipped psychopath who drinks her own blood for kicks.

Over at the Stuckeyville High gymnasium, Ed's getting warmed up for the big showdown. Mike asks him how he's doing, and he says he's never felt better. Just then, Richard Reid (not the shoe bomber guy...but man, what a name to give to a character) runs in, holding the state championship trophy high above his head to a smattering of applause from those g-damned Jaspertown bastards. Mike says he's heard that the guy's dating a supermodel. Ed calls him the man that ruined Ed's life. Rich walks over and tells the guys he thought they'd want to see the trophy up close since they never got to see it. He asks them if they want to touch it and they decline. He practically begs them to touch the trophy but they don't sink to his level, although you can see the beads of sweat on Mike's forehead, as he so desperately wants to touch the damned thing. Wow. This Richard Reid is one cocky, smarmy asshole. He's definitely a Have. Man, this guy has "Have" written all over him. This is the guy Ed could have been had he made that shot. You know -- minus all the utter assholiness because there's no way Ed Stevens could be this big of an asshole.

Out on the streets, Carol, Molly, and Nancy are walking with big shopping bags in their hands and talking about what a great sale they just attended. There were so many shoes on sale that Nancy wishes she had more feet. Suddenly, Molly blurts out, "I slept with Jim." This stops the ladies dead in their tracks and we get a close-up of Nancy, who obviously slept through her call to the makeup department on the set that morning. Holy shit, this woman has aged like twenty years in a week. Her face looks paunchy, like Robert DeNiro in Raging Bull after the final fight. I mean -- don't get me wrong -- I'd still probably do her and do her proud. But wow. I'd almost swear she was Willard Scott in a wig. Anyway, the gals are acting like they're all concerned about Molly humping the married guy again. Molly's trying to justify her actions -- the same old crap all women who are banging married guys say: she needed some hot lovin'; she was drunk and lonely; Leno was a repeat; same old crap. Carol says something about how Molly said she swore she'd never go down this road again and Molly says she's not. She broke up with him and told him to break up with his wife if they were ever going to hop in bed and play "Lady and the Tramp" again. Molly tries to get off the subject by wanting to talk about shoes again and points out a pair in a shop window, saying, "Those are cute!" while Carol and Nancy stare at each other and Carol says, "Damn, Jana Marie...did you really sign up for Celebrity Boxing II?"