Ed
The Shot

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The Choke Artist Returns

Out on the streets, Carol, Molly, and Nancy are walking with big shopping bags in their hands and talking about what a great sale they just attended. There were so many shoes on sale that Nancy wishes she had more feet. Suddenly, Molly blurts out, "I slept with Jim." This stops the ladies dead in their tracks and we get a close-up of Nancy, who obviously slept through her call to the makeup department on the set that morning. Holy shit, this woman has aged like twenty years in a week. Her face looks paunchy, like Robert DeNiro in Raging Bull after the final fight. I mean -- don't get me wrong -- I'd still probably do her and do her proud. But wow. I'd almost swear she was Willard Scott in a wig. Anyway, the gals are acting like they're all concerned about Molly humping the married guy again. Molly's trying to justify her actions -- the same old crap all women who are banging married guys say: she needed some hot lovin'; she was drunk and lonely; Leno was a repeat; same old crap. Carol says something about how Molly said she swore she'd never go down this road again and Molly says she's not. She broke up with him and told him to break up with his wife if they were ever going to hop in bed and play "Lady and the Tramp" again. Molly tries to get off the subject by wanting to talk about shoes again and points out a pair in a shop window, saying, "Those are cute!" while Carol and Nancy stare at each other and Carol says, "Damn, Jana Marie...did you really sign up for Celebrity Boxing II?"

Back at the gym, Mike's telling Ed that this isn't important, it's just for fun, etc. Ed ain't buyin' what Mike's selling. Ed's as serious as angioplasty as the teams take to the court. The whistle blows, the game starts, and Ed blows out his hamstring after taking about four steps. So Ed watches the game from the sidelines with an ice pack on his leg as Stuckeyville beats Jaspertown with a score of blah blah blah to something.

At the Goat, Nancy's trying to feed the evil baby Sarah some fried clams. Sarah wants no part of the tasty little nuggets. Either that or she thinks somebody has stolen her mommy and replaced her with Bea Arthur and is petrified of uttering a sound. All of a sudden, a big commotion comes through the front door and I'm not talking about MegaMark. All of his teammates are carrying Ed, who good-naturedly tells them to put him down. Carol asks how everything went, and one of the guys said they won and they owe it all to Ed. Mike says that Ed pulled his hamstring five seconds into the game. Another wise-ass says that if Ed had done that same move fifteen years ago, they would have won the state championship. Everyone gets a good laugh at Ed's expense. Ed looks like if he just had some sort of automatic weapon, he could make that German high school massacre look like a puppet show. What? Is it too soon to poke fun at the Germans? Hello?? Keep in mind folks...those people are Hitlerific!

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Ed

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