The Test

Episode Report Card
Uncle Bob: F | Grade It Now!
I Cheat, You Cheat, We All Cheat To Satisfy Our Primal Sexual Urges. Errr...I Mean ..."Ice Cream"!

George is sitting at the local bar, drowning his sorrows in a Michelob Light when this hot-assed blonde saunters up to him saying she's supposed to meet a friend but she's late. The blonde (Selma) flirts with him a bit and they start giggling like dirty little school kids. Cara and Ed walk in and catch George feeding Selma a cherry and both of them laughing the laugh of the "About-To-Be-Laid." Cara is extremely disappointed that her husband's acting like a trained monkey with the temp from her office and storms out. Ed stares at George and tries to understand his pain of being married to a woman whose hair looks like a Salvador DalĂ­ painting. He has trouble mustering up the feelings and turns tail, leaving with Cara.

Commercials. Damnation...I didn't think I'd EVER see commercials again after those excruciatingly long fifteen minutes. Hey, guess what? McDonald's loves to see me smile. I had no idea. If they really wanna see me smile, they should try using ground beef in their hamburger patties. I'll be grinning like a fucking mental case if they take that giant leap.

Back to the show. The husky kid that Warren belittled last week is walking down the hallway when he's approached by Principal Gable, played by Letterman's announcer Alan Kalter. Gable asks if it's true that Husky Boy poured an orange drink in another kid's locker. Husker Du says it is true and hangs his head in shame. Gable says, "It takes a weak man to seek thrills in the misery of others. You're a weak man, kid...a weak, WEAK man." The kid is very ashamed at this point. Gable tells him to stay out of trouble or next time he's going to put the smack down on him. Carol walks up to Gable and Gable says, "What can I do you for?" Gable says he likes saying that instead of "What can I do for you?" because it's jazzier. Carol says that Gable can't fire Anne Meara, and Gable says he has no choice: somebody has to go, and Anne Meara is only a special guest star on the episode and it doesn't seem fit to do away with some other teacher's class when they could eventually snag a recurring role on the show. He tells her that ten years ago, there was a budget cutback and he did the same thing and every teacher wanted his head on a stick, which is a frightening mental image if you think about it. Carol asks what if she can get all the other teachers to compromise and Gable tells her, "Good luck sister!" and then walks away chuckling madly. This guy would make an AWESOME mad scientist if mad scientist movies were still being made. Sadly...this is no longer the 1940s.

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