The Test

Episode Report Card
Uncle Bob: F | Grade It Now!
I Cheat, You Cheat, We All Cheat To Satisfy Our Primal Sexual Urges. Errr...I Mean ..."Ice Cream"!

At the alley, Ed's sitting at a booth looking over some legal mumbo jumbo when Shirley walks up. One of Shirley's goals as his assistant is to keep Ed's coffee cup filled. Except she takes about twenty minutes to explain what I just told you in a sentence. Ed thinks this is wonderful and Shirley begins to pour and says, "Say when." Ed says, "That's good," and Shirley is a mite flustered. "It's funnier when you say 'when'," she instructs Ed. Ed wonders to himself what in God's name ever made him retain her services when he first bought the alley. Cara walks up and tells Ed that she wants a divorce and wants Ed to be her lawyer. Ed asks how bad was the previous night and she says pretty bad: her husband went home with Selma and slept with her. When Selma told Cara this, Cara was too upset to ask any more and didn't give her a chance to explain. Ed says he'll file for a divorce that day and Cara hands him something to read. It's a pre-nuptial that states that if George ever sleeps around on Cara, he will give her $100,000. Wow. I guess if I were Cara, I'd be tempting the goofy bastard with hot blondes from the office too. Cara insists that she didn't do any of this for the money; she just wants George to pay for cheating on her. And she means "pay" as in "churn out a check for a hundred grand, dude."

Over at Mike and Nancy's, the happy couple are quietly arguing at the dinner table while Carmella prepares something behind them. Mike is saying, "I won't do it" over and over again. My guess is Nancy wants him to strip naked and hang Christmas ornaments off his testes while singing "I'm A Little Teapot" ad nauseam. Carmella brings one of her famous bundt cakes over to the table and the happy couple digs in. Mike pretends he's choking on the bundt cake, which forces Carmella to spring into action like she's the Bionic Woman. She lifts Mike up and applies the Heimlich Maneuver to him, causing him to spit out a half-chewed, soggy piece of bundt cake. Ahhhhh!! It was a TEST to see if Carmella knows the Heimlich. Youuuu so sneaky, Meesus Burrrton. So now Carmella has passed the oral part of the exam. Heh. "Oral part." You see, he was choking and that's oral, see...and...awwww...forget it.

Ed, Cara, and Cara's hair are sitting in Ed's office when George and his lawyer walk in. George is a little peeved because he hasn't heard from Cara in a while. Ed explains that Cara wants a divorced based on George's infidelity, and she'd like to collect on that there pre-nup thing as well. George asks what the hell's going on, and Cara explains that she knows George was out knockin' boots with Selma because she hired Selma to test his fidelity. When George's lawyer hears this, he bursts out laughing like something funny might have actually happened in this episode already, and says she can forget about the pre-nuptial because she's basically a pimp with a fucked-up hairdo. Cara realizes that she may have screwed up as her husband stares at her and then leaves.

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