The Test

Episode Report Card
Uncle Bob: F | Grade It Now!
I Cheat, You Cheat, We All Cheat To Satisfy Our Primal Sexual Urges. Errr...I Mean ..."Ice Cream"!

At the alley snack bar, Carol's telling Anne Meara that she gave it her best shot in saving her job, and that the gym coach will be cutting back twenty percent on dodgeballs. Ed walks in, quietly sporting a copy of Cara's hairdo. Anne Meara says that when Ed was in her class playing French horn, she knew that someday he'd be a lawyer who owned a bowling alley. Ed says, "Is that right?" like Anne Meara's a phone psychic all of a sudden. Anne finishes with, "Or a doctor. Or an astronaut. Or a proctologist with cold fingers. ANYTHING but a professional French horn player." Everyone has a chuckle at poor talentless Ed's expense. They all sit and bemoan Anne Meara's fate until Phil walks up and says, "Hellooo??" and asks what's wrong with everyone. They're trying to save the music department, right? Right. Haven't they seen Mr. Holland's Opus? Yes they have. So put on a big music concert, that's how you save the music and get things done...Helloooo? Carol says that's probably how it works in the movies, but not in Stuckeyville. Phil says, "Earth to Carol...Helloooo?" Ed asks Phil to quit saying "Helloooo."

Back in court, George's lawyer asks him if he ever cheated on his wife while they were married other than this one time. No he has not. George describes what happened when Selma seduced him. He knows he should have, but he couldn't walk away...all of a sudden, his life became a Playboy video. His days of hitting on women were over and he wouldn't have gone home with the woman if Cara hadn't set him up like this. Ed's turn. Ed asks if he promised to never cheat on his wife. George says, "Yes." Ed asks if he cheated on his wife. George says, "Yes." Ed asks if anyone put a gun to his head to cheat. George says, "No." Ed asks if there were marionette strings attached to his body forcing him to cheat on his wife. George says no. Ed asks if he was hypnotized into cheating on his wife. George thinks for a second and says, "No." Ed asks if he was blackmailed into cheating on his wife. FINALLY, George's lawyer wakes up from his power nap, sees his client being brutally deconstructed on the stand, and objects. Ed tells George he had two options: he could have cheated or walked away. Which option did he take? George cheated. Nothing further.

In the pie shop, Ed walks in and sees Mike and Nancy. Nancy wants Ed to go to the house and see if Carmella will let him take Sara away with him as a test. Ed tells Nancy she's insane. Warren the Love God walks up to bogart some mayonnaise and Nancy asks Warren if he's busy that afternoon. Everyone knows what's coming and groans.

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