The Test

Episode Report Card
Uncle Bob: F | Grade It Now!
I Cheat, You Cheat, We All Cheat To Satisfy Our Primal Sexual Urges. Errr...I Mean ..."Ice Cream"!

Mike gets home to see Nancy sitting there. Nancy feels like a big jerk. This is odd, because it's usually Mike who feels like a big jerk. She says there's nothing wrong with Carmella. Mike points out that maybe Nancy feels threatened because Carmella is doing Nancy's job in raising the kid instead of Nancy staying home and raising her. Nancy says that Sara only grows up once, which is true. Mike asks her if she wants to stop working and she says maybe she does. Mike says that if she does, he and the baby will stand behind her. Nancy wonders how they'll make ends meet and Mike says twice a week he'll go downtown and sell his body. Nancy asks how they'll be able to make ends meet on thirty-eight cents a month. Hilarity ensues.

Ed and Carol are walking into the bowling alley. Carol says the Anne Meara thing is killing her. Anne Meara shows up and they wonder what she's doing there. She says Carol called and left her a message to come by the bowling alley. Carol didn't leave no stinkin' message. Something smells fishsticky in Denmark. The three walk into the alley followed by the president of the local school board and Principal Gable. Phil greets them all and gives a brief explanation of what's going on. Sixteen years ago, the music business and Dan Aykroyd got together and sang a song to help fight hunger in Africa. Tonight their spirit lives on in a tribute to Anne Meara, titled "We Are The Town." Phil turns on the lights and a bunch of Stuckeyville's finest are standing in the alleys grooving just like those people in the USA for Africa video. In my mind, the song will always be remembered for the lines, "We're all here to thank you for the music that we love, and the brains behind this whole idea was Philip Stubbs." Followed by a smirk of Phil's that ranks right up there with the best of 'em.

After the song, Carol reminds the president and Principal Gable just what Anne Meara means to this town and asks them to please reconsider tossing her into the streets where she'll become a rat person, living underground in the sewers, and living off the flesh of vermin. The president and Gable were both impressed by the little ditty, but still have to say "no" to keeping the old bag on. They leave and it's kinda glum around the alley at this point.

The next day, Ed and Cara are waiting for George and his lawyer to show up. They walk in and George's lawyer makes everyone clear on the premise: Cara's going to ask George one question and when George answers it truthfully, show's over, Cara gets nothing but a ringless finger, and life goes on. Everyone agrees that this is the concept of the meeting. It's now Cara's turn to ask the question, and Cara leans into George's face and says slowly, "How's my hair?" Okay...not really. She asks, "Were you cheating on me throughout our marriage?" George has to give it some thought and finally says, "Yes." Cara's crushed, her hair's deflated, and she leaves the room. George and his lawyer get up from the table, counting those hundred dollar bills in their heads when Ed decides he wants to know the truth. DID George REALLY sleep around on Cara throughout their marriage? George says, "When I slept with that bar whore, I ruined our marriage. That's the only truth that matters now."

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