Ed
The World of Possibility

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Uncle Bob: D | Grade It Now!
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The World of Possibility

Kenny, who overheard Ed's problems with Mr. $1,500 Sign Guy, offers Ed a solution. He tells Ed that Shirley is more than capable of painting a sign for the bowling alley above the lanes. A lightbulb goes off over Ed's head as he decides to ask Shirley to paint the words "Stuckey Bowl." After all, she's already on the payroll. He can pay her minimum wage and she can paint, and if she doesn't like it, he can boot her ass out the door. For the sake of clarity, this scenario is only implied and not stated. And, to be honest, it's barely implied. I just kinda dreamt it up. Shirley agrees to paint the sign. America lets out a collective sigh, now that the sign situation is over.

Meanwhile, Nancy is at home with a new nanny. Last week's nanny couldn't quite grasp the "Shake The Living Shit Out Of The Baby" trick to get the baby to relax, so she must have been canned. This week's nanny is a hot little number who Sara the Baby has apparently taken a quick liking to. It's obvious this new nanny is great for Sara because she's already keeping Sara from staring in a daze into the camera. And it's also obvious that Nancy doesn't care for the new nanny because the nanny can sing "Leaving On A Jet Plane" beautifully, which soothes Sara the Baby to no end. As my close friend, Chief Big Stump, would say, "I smell heapum big trouble before the hour's up."

We go back to the bowling alley, when who should show up but Stuckeyville Stan, the town's beloved magician. Stuckeyville Stan is played by Hollywood legend Eddie Bracken, who I thought died like twenty years ago. Stan needs a lawyer and has come to Ed, the infamous bowling alley lawyer that everyone has already heard about two days into his practice. It seems word of mouth travels quicker than goose shit in Stuckeyville. Stan's pissed because another magician has a local magic show titled "The Stuckeyville Stan Revue," which reveals all of the magical secrets that Stan's been performing for the last fifty-three years. Stan's livelihood has been devastated by this evil, evil magician, and he has vowed sweet revenge on the bastard. Ed agrees to take the case because Stan is an icon in Stuckeyville and was one of Ed's heroes as a child. I've noticed that Ed has a strange method of deciding which cases he takes on. He only represents those people that he genuinely likes. Meanwhile, I'm waiting patiently for the Ed episode where he's asked to represent a serial killer and has to turn him down because the killer didn't make him chuckle as a child, and the killer disembowels Ed. They'll probably save that for sweeps month. Oh. And Stan manages to pull a spatula out of Ed's ear before the whole scene is over. Ed stares wistfully at that spatula, and I begin to wonder if it's possible for a young teen boy to have sex with a spatula.

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Ed

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