Things To Do Today

Episode Report Card
Uncle Bob: B- | Grade It Now!
Uncle Bob's To Do List

Oh, hey, Ed's done folding the laundry, and is about five seconds away from delivering it. He knocks on the door, and Kelly Ripa answers it. Ed greets her with a big "Hi!" She smiles and says, "Hi." Ed waits to be recognized as the guy whose teeth she tried to floss with her tongue the other day, but she doesn't seem to recognize him. He hands her the laundry and says that "static cling will be the furthest thing from your mind," which is clearly a shout-out to Static Cling on the Ed boards. And if it wasn't intended that way, at least Static Cling got a shout-out from me, which is better than nothing. So Kelly Ripa says, "Oh! I almost forgot..." and Ed gets all excited, and then she tips him a few bucks. Ed's ego deflates as he asks, "Do you remember me?" She says sure...he's the guy that she kissed yesterday. They both smile, and he says, "So. How's it going?" She says, "Good. You?" He says, "Great." Awkward conversation reaches an all-time high as they stand there, Ed shifting nervously. Ed asks why she kissed him, and she says it was because it was on her "to do" list. She then thanks him again, closes the door, and leaves Ed standing there by himself. Ed stuffs the tip money back into her door knocker and leaves. Uncle Bob sits on the edge of his seat, wishing he could retrieve those couple of bucks that are just...they're just there all alone in that hallway. Hi, I'm Uncle Bob and I'm a kleptomaniac.

Commercials. I flip over to the Grammys, where the Best Instrumental Composition Award goes to the ending credits of the movie Cast Away. Once again, the collected symphonic works of the late, great Boxcar Willie goes unnoticed. This is the longest-running entertainment travesty since Susan Lucci was getting screwed face down on a regular basis by those Daytime Emmy scoundrels.

Back at the pie shop, Carol is telling Ed, "I don't want to seem like a jealous ex-non-girlfriend type, but this mystery woman sounds like she's out of her gourd." Who better than Carol to judge psychotic idiots? Suddenly, we see Kelly Ripa walking down the street dressed as a hunk of cheese. No, I'm not making this up. Ed goes running outside to meet her. He asks her if she works for a cheese company. No. A grocery store? No. She's just handing out cheese. She tells Ed that she can tell he wants to ask her out. Ed grins sheepishly and tells the big hunk of cheese on the sidewalk that he does indeed want to go out with her. She tells him her name is Jennifer Bradley, and that he should drop by her house at six o'clock. He agrees.

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