Things To Do Today

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Uncle Bob: B- | Grade It Now!
Uncle Bob's To Do List

The members of the Stuckeyville High TV Team are running around in the snow, trying to get a scene ready to shoot. Warren is serving as the journalist in this scene: an exposé on the cafeteria food. Diane yells, "Action!" and Warren goes into his spiel about the cafeteria food and what's really in it. He says they're waiting for Connie the cafeteria lady; they're going to ambush her and grill her about the food. They wait. And wait. And wait. Through another door, Carol and Jackass exit the school. Carol is nagging Jackass that, from now on, they can't show affection inside the school, because they need to start being more careful with their secret relationship. Jackass agrees, and says he wants to take her to a place "more careful." Meanwhile, Connie comes out of the cafeteria door and Warren ambushes her, wanting to know what kind of meat is in the Salisbury steaks. She tells him it's turkey beef. Since her answer is about as exciting as...well, turkey beef, Warren asks her if she could possibly stick her hand in the camera like they do on 60 Minutes. She obliges and says, "Go away, Morley Safer." She walks away, and Warren and Diane are a bit upset that their exposé wasn't as hard-hitting as they wanted it to be. Warren says he doesn't think he has a story. But MegaMark the cameraman has zeroed in on Jackass and Carol making out like porn stars in the parking lot. MegaMark says, "Oh...I think we do have a story."

Jennifer and Ed are walking down the street. Ed wants to know where they're going for dinner. Jennifer marches him up to the front door of a house. Ed asks if it's her house, and she says no. She rings the doorbell, and a man answers, asking what they want. Jennifer asks if they can come in and be their dinner guests for the evening. The man is bewildered, but Jennifer insists that they're really nice people and that the man will like them.

We're then treated to an extra-special early musical montage, which very rarely come this early. While "Walking on Sunshine" by Katrina and the Waves blares, scenes from the couple's dinner with total strangers are shown. Jennifer doles out a mound of mashed potatoes on her plate while the family stares at her in disbelief. They then take turns eating chocolate syrup straight out of the bottle. Then it's off to Dad's hat collection, where the new couple try on different silly hats. The whole family then gathers around the television for a very special episode of HBO's Oz. It looks to be the one where Schibetta gets anally raped by the Aryans for being a cocky little fucking wise-ass. The montage ends with Jennifer and Ed hugging the family and leaving. Ed can't believe that he had so much fun with the family, and Jennifer's glad that Ed had a great time. Jennifer then explains why they just had dinner with a family of total strangers...because it was on her "to do" list. Every night before bed, she writes down crazy things to do the next day -- things that will test her inhibitions. Today she hugged a traffic cop, sang "Mr. Bojangles" in a crowded restaurant, and arm-wrestled a stranger. Ed wants to know why she does such crazy stunts, and she says that life is all about opening doors to new possibilities. Most people wait for opportunities to come to them; she creates her own. This is a nice way of saying the gal's nuttier than a squirrel turd.

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