Ed
Trust

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Uncle Bob: B | Grade It Now!
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Mountains Out of Molehills

We open in Mike's new office, which is a delightful change of pace if, in fact, such things can be officially declared "delightful." Apparently, he didn't need the "Dr. Handsome" persona after all, because business is picking up for the hunky doctor, and I mean that in the most heterosexual recapping way. Mike's dismissing a patient who is asking Mike if he can do deep knee bends now. Mike tells him to attempt shallow knee bends at first. The guy's belly looks like it's never been near a knee bend. The patient exits the room, leaving Mike alone with his new nurse, Danielle. Mike notices that they saw four patients in forty-five minutes. He says he's glad to be away from Dr. Jerome. Danielle asks how long he worked for Dr. Jerome; Mike tells her it was three years, which is 5,000 in Dr. Jerome years. Mike then shares a riveting story about working there briefly with a big guy named Louis who always smelled like pot roast. He then tells Danielle that she has a bright smile and a comely appearance, unlike Louis. In a joking manner, Mike makes Danielle promise never to switch her perfume to "Eau de Pot Roast." Danielle stiffens up the way most people do when they first get a finger up the ass, and leaves the room. That's the price you pay when you work for Dr. Handsome, dearie: constant remarks about pot roast and perfume. Ed dawdles in, doing a Jerry Lewis impression as he begs, "Help me, Dr. Burton, I'm so itchy." Mike asks what he's doing there, and Ed says he's just checking in on the man with the new practice. He continues, speaking of "nice," what about that new nurse? Mike says Danielle is very nice. Ed starts doing all these juvenile horny moves like every single one of you would expect me to do whenever I saw a pretty woman on the street, and Mike says that it's embarrassing when Ed acts like a real guy. Ed says, "I know." Sadly, I don't think he does.

All of a sudden, I hear the painful screams, coming from my front yard, of a young Korean boy having shards of broken glass jabbed repeatedly into his shins. I run to the front window to see what I can do to help the kid. Oops. My bad. It's just the theme song.

A commercial for The Rookie. I haven't seen The Rookie yet, but I hear it's rated G. And the commercial shows a kid saying, "Oh my God!" taking the Lord's name in vain. So technically, a movie featuring a child breaking one of the ten commandments is now considered G-rated fare. No wonder the Taliban hates us.

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