Ed
Trust

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Mountains Out of Molehills

Commercials. You know those Palestinians that got killed recently? Apparently, it's because they wouldn't buy those freakin' P'Zones. Tommy Davidson is serious. Buy a P'Zone or you're next on the list, Habib.

In the judge's chambers, Ed's arguing that Linda Coleman's email was irrelevant and doesn't apply to this case. The prosecutor says it does, since it shows a pattern of Mike wanting to hump every attractive female with whom he comes into contact. Ed says that Mike was just writing Linda back in the same tone that she wrote him, and that Mike never initiated the conversation. The judge says that Ed's right; the email is irrelevant. The prosecutor cackles fiendishly and says that she'll get Mike, her little pretty. And his little dog Toto, too.

At the bake-off, Carol's walking around trying to find a story, like stories are giggling and hiding behind trees. She walks up to a group of ladies and asks to interview them. She tells them she's searching for "the story behind the story." Has there ever been any stealing of recipes? Sabotaging each other by pouring talcum powder into meringue? Any anthrax "accidentally" slipped into a rum cake? One of them comes up with an amusing anecdote that she can share: one time, she accidently put rancid butter in the apple pie. Carol gets all excited, yanks her pen and pad out and wants to know all about the story. Sadly, that is the story. Carol has a breakdown and says she's dying here. She tells the women about the fifty-pound pumpkin guy and the Orange Lady. One of the women offers her some bundt cake. Carol chows down because she has the metabolism of a tsetse fly.

Back in court, Ed's badgering the nurse. Did Mike ever make physical contact with her? No. Did he threaten to fire her? No. Did he ask her for sex? No. Did he ask her out on a date? No. Did he ever stick his finger in her ass, call her "Nancy," and ask her to cough? No. Did he make her strip down and act out entire episodes of Who's The Boss completely in Chinese? No. Ed asks her to explain what the hell Mike did do to her that warrants having to pay each of these jurors five bucks apiece to be there? The answer is...Mike made her feel uncomfortable. Shit. If that's the case, I can sue the producers of Fear Factor for sexual harassment. Ed asks if Danielle ever told Mike that he made her uncomfortable? Say it with me: no. Why not? Well, there were lots of reasons. She wanted to keep her job because she apparently loves to be "sexually harassed." She couldn't get up the nerve to tell Dr. Handsome to quit talking about her smile. Plus...hey...why should she have to confront him? Why should she be responsible for his behavior? Ummm...Nurse Nincompoop, lemme help you out here. There's such a thing as "polite conversation." It sounds to me like you were the victim of being on the receiving end of some polite conversation. Ed considers showing her examples of polite conversation versus sexual harassment using hand puppets, but wisely moves along.

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